Because We Can Laugh & Learn From Life Experiences

This week I went to my annual physical.  It was the first time back seeing my doctors in the “western” world of medicine since I’ve been getting help in the “eastern” side of holistic medicine.   I was kind of excited about this appointment going in.  I had copies of my tests that I had taken - it included one allergy test and two hormone tests, and a new prescription for hormones.   My health has been improving remarkably since I started down the holistic path.  I’ve lost weight, my blood pressure is down, pretty sure my cholesterol is down, hair is healthier, my last mammo was clear (as opposed to the last 2 years when I’ve been going back every six months to recheck things).  All in all, pretty good results!

Well, wasn’t I surprised when I met with my NP (nurse practitioner) to share my good news? Lol..what was I thinking…East meets West…what a freaking mess.  She was pissed when I started telling her what I’ve been up to.   She looked at me like I had ten heads…”you did what?”  “your taking what?” Apparently I was a BAD girl.  Tsk tsk..

Then she asked, “So, what did Doc So-and-so (gyno doc ) say about this?”

ME:  “Well, um, she doesn’t know yet.”

NP:  “What do you mean she doesn’t know?”

ME: “I have’t seen anyone since last year, I’m kind of in between docs.  I interviewed Doc So-and-so last year, but I wasn’t getting the answers I was looking for….”    BIG PAUSE….

NP:  Audible sigh…

ME:  “I brought my tests to show you some of the results, and….”

NP:  [cut me off] “Well, let’s take your blood pressure” and she took my test results folder and nicely put them under my jacket on the chair.

The rest of the appointment was ok, she scurried me along and we were done. She didn’t want to hear what I had to say, nor look at anything i brought except the prescription bottle I brought….which she promptly scoffed at when I told her it was a “compounded” prescription.

Bitch.  But not just her, the whole experience.  It’s a bitch.  And so unsatisfying. It doesn’t have to be this way, but it is.  Many women my age I talk to feel this way too…

And I wonder why I feel the way I do about doctors from the “west”?  If someone listened to me last year….and helped explore the way I wanted to, we wouldn’t be here today. But they weren’t listening then, and they are not listening now.  Nor are they happy with my path.  The letters spoken “ND” (naturopath doctor) are like fingernails on a chalkboard for some MDs.  Except for thought leaders like Dr. Christiane Northrup, who inspired me to take steps in the holistic direction because I kept coming up against walls where I was.

Honestly, I felt like a child who didn’t behave properly on the school playground. I was a “bad girl” because I went out of the western medicine circle.

And the best part is, I have another gyno appointment with the new doc who I met briefly last year in a “pre-interview” to see if I liked her. She doesn’t know what I’ve been up to either.  I’m wondering if my reception there will be the same, or perhaps worse because I didn’t really let her help me.  And there’s an ND who’s prescribing stuff that she normally would.   That’s probably enough to piss her off too.

But the bottom line is, too bad.  I don’t care what they think.  I feel better and AM healthier.  I believe that we need to be our own medical advocates.   We DON’T have to follow every direction from our doctors if we feel that it’s not right for us, imagine that? Having a say in our medical care?  I’m all done being the good girl who does what she’s told. Especially when it comes to my health.  I’m sticking with my intuition and will keep going in that direction.

Next week should be fun.  I’ll keep you posted.

UPDATE:  So perhaps some egg on my face…got a call back from my lab results…I’m anemic.  Makes sense really, but maybe I need to listen a little more too.  Oh well.  One day at a time here.

I caught myself today missing the big picture.  It’s been one of those days where I’m running from A to B, plugging up holes in the wall per say.  It’s been a picture of the week too, but I’m not really complaining. Busy is good, business is up.  There’s more stuff to do.

But, in my hustle of today, I had several packages to mail.  I had may day planned, do this, do this, do this, have lunch with an old friend, hit post office to get these packages MAILED dammit.  A couple have been sitting on my desk waiting for this moment!  I end up having a fabulous lunch, my mood was lifted feeling more positive, and as I was pulling off my exit to the highway I looked over at the pile next to me that was “next” on my list.  It was:

-  A package for a cousin in Iraq

- A book for a friend that I promised

- My taxes (with a  refund no less:-) )

- A charitable donation

Holy smokes…it hit me.  I should be enjoying this moment instead of rushing through it like everything else.  It was packages of goodness, for different people and things, but all goodness. All of a sudden, the world shifted into a new focus that felt immensly better than rush rush rush.  I’m just sayin.

I’m so glad I didn’t miss this moment.

The word “No” must be one of the most used words in the world.  It crosses nations and languages like my dog’s smelly farts cross a room.  (sorry, he just cut one and it was an accessible analogy :-)).  It’s a word I hear daily, and I’m always amazed at how freely we toss it around.  Sometimes NO is the right answer. And it protects us from ourselves.

I must say that  I’m not the best at using the word No.  I often say Yes (although my husband would challenge that), but I don’t like to turn people away.  As a result, I get overcommitted and frustrated which leads to pissed off and irritable.  And that’s a short step away from insanity, where I lose it and scream bloody murder.  SO what’s the big deal?  It’s not a bad word.  As my cousin would say to me ” What’s Your Problem Girrrrl?”  (She has NO problem with NO…lol…)

I’m not saying I’m a doormat either.  But I do use it sparingly, only when I know I really can’t commit.  Recently when after working with a client, we decided to turn them away.  I just couldn’t do it, it was too much vampire energy for me in that relationship.  I’d be exhausted after a phone call, running in circles and circles.  That felt freeing, it was like a literal cord was cut in the universe.  Released from the mothership. >Snip.>

My son uses it like a brick wall.  No, Nope, Never, Not.  I often think that he uses it too much because he shuts down opportunities as quckly as turning a faucet off.  Simple, quick, but sometimes painful.

My husband has no problem with the word either. There must be a happy medium, but I guess it’s all in the way we manage ourselves.  It’s different for everyone.

Maybe it’s just the fact that I don’t like to disappoint people.  Or perhaps its because I really WANT to be helpful and believe at that moment, I can do it.

But one of my favorite coaches, Cheryl Richardson, wrote a newsletter article one week about saying No as a daily practice.  I must say I did enjoy cutting the cord in my example above.  It’s easier when it’s not kids or family, but still, it has its place.

Being nice is good, but being honest is better.  So let’s hear it for the word NO.

Hurray!!  N N N N N N NO!

I read an article this morning from Andrea Conway, a law of attraction coach who shares a great perspective on LOA and how we can bring it into our lives, business, etc.  So this morning in her e-newsletter, she talks about how we can bring ourselves in better vibrational alignment with what we really want.  In her article, she suggested that like ordering a dessert, why would we order up a dessert from the menu of the universe and have it be something we don’t like?  She asks  “would you order strawberry rhubarb pie if you didn’t like it?”  Well, no..

.

I love these kind of analogies because they make sense.  Our words, thoughts and desires are essentially placing vibrational orders to the universe, but then when the waitress comes, we want to send it back our order.  I’ve been there.  Andrea offers these thoughts, to help take ourselves off the hook.  She suggests we don’t really know we are doing it, it’s an unconscious thing:

It’s not always easy to accept that we’re vibrational matches to what we clearly do not want: a shortage of money, an illness, a difficult relationship. But denying our vibrational resonance to the situation only binds us to it more strongly.

If you can accept that whatever is in your life right now is a vibrational match to you, you’ve made a huge first step in using the circumstances you don’t like as springboards to something better.

So, I’m  taking a dose of this medicine right now in light of my new situation.  I will say that up to the point of my recent food allergy assessment, I had been ordering up (thinking, desiring) a way for me to make better food choices and help align my body with what it needs.  I also wanted to change my belief that weight loss is hard, and switch it around to weight loss is easy.  You know, challenging those limiting beliefs we hold, and cutting the polarization cord so I don’t keep bringing back situations I don’t want.

Andrea does offer some suggestions around acceptance which is the key to it all:

Acceptance is a way of pausing, clearing the slate, and starting afresh:

OK, universe, I accept that right now I am a vibrational match to these stale oatmeal cookies. But I declare that what I truly prefer to eat is the key lime pie.

The simple act of accepting what has happened and choosing again sets you on a new vibrational course.

Acceptance is a small step — so small that many people would dismiss it as too insignificant to matter. Yet, it is the entire key to shedding the resistance that binds you.

I guess I would have liked to “send back my order” of food allergies.  But as I’m accepting it all, I am noticing that there is no resistance, and weight loss is easier.  It’s just coming off, and I’m not thinking about it much.  I’m also not crazy hungry like I would be if I were “dieting” and thinking I could be having other things but I’m not.  The reality is, this is a new way of life.  It just is.  And by not fighting it, I’m gravitating toward re-discovering foods I have ignored or never had.

I like that part of it.  And I do feel better.  So, if I can realign myself there, where can I go next??   Seems like the field is wide open.

Have you experienced this before?

Photo Credit: www.kingshawaiian.com

I’ve always had allergies.  It affected my childhood to some degree, and they still bother me to this day.  But I never thought I was allergic to food.  I had taken allergy tests using the skin prick method years before, but food did not come up as a problem.  So, fast forward to a couple weeks ago and where I met with a naturopathic doctor who wanted to take a different kind of blood test to look at food allergies again.

“Me?” I thought?  I don’t think so. “No, not food allergies.” I said to the doctor  “Everything else allergies but not food.  I love food.  Food loves me.  I don’t have any digestive problems.  But I do have these dark circles under my eyes.” I said.

Doc said “Those are allergy shiners, a classic sign of a food allergy, the kind that is more subtle and can happen up to 4 days later after you’ve eaten something.” Great……

I had been changing my diet over the past few months (coffee) and thought I was doing good with oatmeal in the morning, a healthy wheat bread sandwich at lunch, dinner is another story - sometimes healthy and sometimes not.   But the point is, I took the darned test and it came back with allergic reactions on a majority of food and some food groups.  I was allergic to all dairy, eggs, wheat, wheat gluten, barley, oats, pork, turkey, and on and on.  Veggies like garlic and tomato - what? Did you say tomato?  Holy smokes, I’m growing 12 tomato plants in my garden alone.
I could go on and on, it’s easier to think about what I can have vs. what I can’t have.  I’m changing my diet, one step at a time and eliminating foods as much as possible.  There is a huge learning curve to this, and I am figuring out food labels.  The more I know, the more I’m shocked.  But so far so good. I’ve had a couple of set backs, but I just keep on trying.  The best cookbook I could find that fit my condition was one a diet for  AD/HD and Autistic Children, and Celiac Disease (which I don’t have). So I am learning food all over again, but going more organic, whole.  No breads, sugars, processed foods.  I’ll keep you posted on my progress.  I have already seen some weight loss, I’m all for that!

So I’m living the free life now — wheat free gluten free dairy free wooo hooo….

UPDATE AUG 14:

In going with my new food plan, I decided that I would first focus on elimating the processed foods dairy and wheat, but keep some of the real fruits and veggies in my eating plan, even though a few were on the bad list.  So last night I ate a delicious tomato and basil salad, despite tomatoes being on my list.  But I figured I’d know how it would react since everything else I ate was on my “good” list.  So, in the middle of eating the damn salad, I start sneezing. Then 20 minutes later I’m using my inhaler.  I guess I am allergic to tomatoes - for now anyway.  I keep hoping that I can get back to food I love like this. But it is sobering. I’m not sure I would have really put that together without doing this plan.  And the killer is I have 12 tomato plants growing.   How can an Italian survive without tomatoes??  :sigh:  Or deal with the reaction. One or the other.

I think the hardest part is that I don’t like to identify myself as “allergic” to anything.  It’s not how my mind operates.  I wonder if that thinking keeps me in that vibrational pattern or not.  Time will tell.

I was driving down a side street the other night,  making my way on a trip to BJ’s to pick up ribs in preparation for my son’s birthday dinner.  I was feeling a little low, as it was 7:30 on the night before his birthday when I’m running around getting things at the last minute. Seems to be a regular thing for me.  Days run out of daylight, and I’m still not done.  So, I’m sitting in the car (with my son sitting in the passenger side) asking myself in my head “What’s really going on here, why do I feel so…unenthused with everything?” and at that moment, Rush came on the radio singing Closer to the Heart.  At first I was excited, I turned up the radio, told my son “I LOVE this song”, until I started singing it….

And the men who hold high places
Must be the ones who start
To mold a new reality
Closer to the heart
Closer to the heart
The blacksmith and the artist
Reflect it in their art
They forge their creativity
Closer to the heart
Closer to the heart

Ouch, that hurt. Tears bubbled up to my eyes, as I’m driving with one hand, wiping my face with the other catching the teardrops, hoping to be invisible…Closer to the heart I thought.  That was it.  That is what is missing.  My list of things and deadlines looming is not closer to the heart.  The things that are filling all of my days and nights are not things closer to the heart.  Writing here is closer to the heart.  Meditating is closer to the heart.  Watching tv with the family is closer to the heart.

I will start prioritizing my time around things closer to the heart first, then allow for the other things to fill in.  We’ll see if that shifts my energy.

The dust cloud

I happened to watch a video clip of Oprah at Duke University’s graduation where she received an honorary doctorate (Congrats Oprah!).  In her speech, she talked about several things, but the one thing that stood out for me like a red blinking light was this phrase “You are responsible for the energy you bring”.

I clicked in my brain like when the slot machine makes a hit.  In my own life, I’ve been called oversensitive, and will tear up for happy and sad events. First time ever I remember feeling like a dufus was when I was 7 and cried at the movie Benji when the bad guy kicked him across the room.  I knew I’d be in trouble when I got older, but I also remember being really embarrassed.  I didn’t like feeling vunlerable and was pissed off and sulked the whole way home.  Of course, this affected others at home.

As I got older, I saw how people would respond to my moods, and discovered that I would also be affected by the moods of people around me.  Happiness is contagious, as is sadness and depression.  I never knew how to process it all though, it would be somewhat of a muddled experience when I would find myself sad for no reason.

I’ve come to realize how emotionally transparent we really are. We ARE responsible for the energy we bring…to whatever we do in life.  We are responsible.  I know that sometimes blaming is easier, but do you ever reflect on why things happen the way they do?

Have you ever noticed when you are in a store cashing out with someone who is ready to leave their shift? It’s like their mind is elsewhere.  You can tell they are not with you, they are already leaving the building.  Energy is palpable, whether we like it or not.  When we enter a room we bring with us, like Charlie Brown’s friend PigPen, a dust cloud of energy that says alot about us and our intentions of that moment.  Some folks are more tuned into it than others, and it may not always be obvious.  But it’s there whether we want to acknowledge it or not.

When was the last time something didn’t work out the way you wanted?  Did you consider your role in the outcome?  Were you stuffing some fear around the event?  Or perhaps not listening to your gut tell you that you are not making the wisest choice?  Or maybe feel a little inertia in the feet, like you are glued and can’t move?

It’s with these small understandings that our biggest lessons are earned.  For example, I’ve noticed my shyness will often polarize people away from talking to me, having the exact opposite effect I desire.  It’s because I’m carrying around the energy of worry and fear of lack of approval (what if I say something stupid? what if I have nothing to say?) that comes into the room with me, and hangs around me like a necklace.

Just today I heard my Mom coming over to see me, and as soon as she hit my office doorway, I could tell she was miffed about something, I didn’t have to even listen to the words.  And then she didn’t like my response because I felt like I was being judged and gave her a snappy retort. Fortunately, I recognized the insanity and diffused the situation, but not until after I snapped back.   So keep that image of Pigpen in mind next time you are doing anything that involves or affects others.

You are responsible for the energy you bring.  And the outcome that goes along with it.

Image source: http://www.kornheiserscartel.com

Today I wanted to reflect on something I’m noticing in my social media travels.

Are you my friend?

A few questions to think about:

Have your feelings gotten hurt when someone does not respond in kind to a friend request?

Have you been upset to see a friend make a post on someone else’s page and not respond to any of your posts?

Do you get excited when you make a post about something, then disappointed when no one notices?  Or seems to notice?

I’ve been experimenting with social media for about a year now.  I’m an active user of Twitter, Facebook and LinkedIn.  And I am noticing, even in myself at times, that we hold unspoken expectations of our “friends” in this media, much more so than we do in real life at times.

I’ve seen this happen on Facebook to close friends of mine and I’ve helped them navigate out of this bees nest. It can and has deterioriated into blocked profiles- the ultimate door slammer.  I’ve also noticed it on Twitter too.  People unfollow people who they don’t feel interact with them the way the want to. And the emphasis is on “the way THEY want them to”.  Of course at the end of the day, we have 100% choice in who we choose to friend, follow and pay attention to.  Then why put it back on the other person?

Is all this our egos at play?  I am always happy to make friends with someone and bring them into my circle.  But then, do I go and hold them accountable to how “I” prefer to interact?  I must confess, sometimes I do.  It’s not fair, and it’s not what these connections are meant to be about.

I do think that new joiners on Facebook and Twitter set out with specific ideas in mind of how things will be for them.  The reality is usually far different from their idea.  And disappointment follows.  I’ve seen this scenario happen over and over:

- You friend someone, say an old high school friend

- They respond, excited to hear from you and give you a brief update.

- You respond, excited with a brief update.

- Then no more response from your friend.  Or vague, choppy responses.

And here’s where disappointment comes in.  You start asking yourself, “Did I say too much” Did I make this person mad?” and all the second guessing that happens at this point.

The challenge is that there are all types of computer users on Facebook and Twitter. Some check in daily, some weekly, and some monthly or whenever they get a chance.  It’s not always a “real-time” response, but of course it can be it’s just not all the time.

So my point is, let’s drop all our expectations.  Why do we have them of others, especially in this medium?  Your famly and friends probably can’t live up to them in real life, so why the heck bring them here?

Sure, there’s banter, good back and forth dialog and hip shots, that’s what makes it fun.  There is a subtle ebb and flow of information being exchanged.  It’s like a river, and you jump in and out when it’s convenient for you.  But when we start judging others based on their response, lack of response, or what appears to be lack of interest, just let it go.

Let’s let everyone be who they are.  I always tell people “Just be you” in these applications.  You don’t have to be witty all the time, or profound.  Just be you.  And let others be them.  This is the ultimate definition for a being a good friend.  Respond when something moves you to, otherwise don’t respond at all.  Sometimes silence is golden.  And sometimes a funny retort is a perfect response.  Don’t think too much about it.  Just let it happen.  And don’t get wrapped up in reading between the lines.  That’s where trouble is lurking.

It was a typical morning that started out with all its rituals.  Tea, breakfast for boy, let dog out, gather school things, issue order to brush teeth….no response, issue it twice…no response, yell about teeth, then yell again for dawdling and being late.   As I was getting ready to walk out the door, I knew I had a few extra minutes to clean snow off the truck…A-gain.  Until I realized that my car keys were no where to be found.  At first I was fine, I went through all the rigamarole of retracing last steps, thinking methodically.  When that ran out of runway, I resorted to creating mass chaos, shuffling papers all around my office, mail around the kitchen,  emptying my handbag once, then twice, then panic started to set in.  But then I realized that my husband had driven it the day before when he was plowing the driving.  So I run downstairs to his man-cave and fish around the table or his coat pockets (a dangerous mission at best).  Nothing.

Meanwhile, I still had to clean the car off and time was ticking. As I’m panicking, I realize that there is a spare key.  I’m spending all this time looking for MY key and not using the spare key. Classic moment.  All that hubub for nothing.

But it’s a tough time of year for us New Englander’s.  We are sick and tired of the snow. We got another 4 inches yesterday.

My husband plows and I can tell you our customers are sick of writing checks to us, but the snow continues to hit. We’ve had more storms this year than in several years prior.  And, Spring has been teasing us.  Every time we see green grass again and 50 degrees, we get another storm.  All this snow has me longing for warmer weather.

So back to the lost keys - I posted a note on my whiteboard that said “Keys Please?” to remind others that I was still searching.  And what started out as a plea for my car keys has turned into another plea.  A plea for a trip to the Keys….especially our favorite Key West. We usually take a trip annually as our adult vacation, but my new budget wasn’t having that this year.  So over the past few days, my husband and I have been taking a virtual vacation with our white board:

We got palm trees, sunset, drinks, scooters, the Half Shell, the X-rated factor (ala my husband’s addition) and the last item of the man in the chair falling is a very funny story that happened to a fellow dear to my heart while closing down Irish Kevin’s.   Guess what happens when your feet get stuck in a stool while it’s tipping over?  We laughed for days then, and we’re still laughing now.  Can’t wait to get back there in the Fall.  I don’t think I can let the budget determine that this year!

Anyone else love the Keys?  October here we come!

This is a question posed frequently at my house.  Our family is rough and rugged, nothing dainty here.   My mom calls my house the black hole.  Once anything is in my house, good luck finding it again.   We’d be a great test group for appliances, cookware, furniture. If it can last at my house, it’s all right for sure.  But some days it really pisses me off.  I mean, why can’t we just have nice things?  I have no idea why.  Is it laziness?  Or ignorance?

Take for instance, I just bought a couple of new frypans.  I know, boring, but I needed them.  I debated about teflon vs. stainless steel, because people in my family won’t think twice about using metal silverware or cookware in them. But I bought teflon anyway, it was a good deal.

So when I get home, I was talking to the family about the pans, and that they can’t be pans can’t be left soaking or anything, or scraped with metal, blah blah.  I felt like Charlie Brown’s teacher.  Mrs. Wah-wahhh  they stopped listening at the word “wash”.  So guess what happens yesterday?  The brand freaking new pan in the dishwasher.

OMG.  I almost lost it.  I had my little “in my mind” tirade that went like “I can’t believe..” “Why the eff…” “Who put the effin….”  Of course this got me no where.  See, as I get older, it’s the smaller things that will drive me nuts.  So I left this on the whiteboard for everyone:

I hope that message works.  Of course, time will tell.  Sometimes it helps to be completely obvious.  I didn’t assign a “name” on the list above, it was really a message for all.

Am I nuts?  Anyone else deal with this insanity?