Posts from — October 2008

I have a hard time with daylight savings time in the Fall.  “Falling” back in time in general doesn’t work for me.  My preference is not to go back, it hasn’t served me well in the past.  The real issue is that I feel extra tired extra early with sun setting so early, every day.  I long for my evening walks at dusk.  The smell of grass.  Dog at my side.

But this time of year really screws with my internal balance mechanisms and I feel like the world is slightly tilted.   I’m ready for bed by 9 pm.  Now my college buddies or cousins would probably not find this surprising…as I was always ragged on for hitting the sack early.  Hey, I like my sleep, and it didn’t help that I didn’t make the drinking age cutoff at school.  But I digress.

I spend a majority of my time at this computer, working my day job.  I’m not complaining, I’m fortunate enough to have a home office and I love my commute.  But ask anyone who’s been in the presence of my office for any period of time, and they will tell you it’s anything but peaceful.

I sit in basically a major traffic zone in my home.  It screws with my good chi.   My husband operates his construction company in the basement, so they come up and down for this and that.  My mother comes over to visit as she & my Dad live in the inlaw residence.  Her visits often happen at the most inopportune moments when I can’t really talk to her, which makes her mad at times…Sorry, Mom!   Then we also have my daughter Valerie and my grandson JJ who is 2, who are also around during the workday and add to the distraction level.

So, as we approach this coming Sunday’s time change, I’m struggling with the balance of things.  Good news is that after Sunday we can start moving toward the better, more light days.  Let’s just get it over with. Like the election.  Everyone is on edge and it’s time to move forward.

I do try to savor every moment, but they even find me there. Just tonight I decided to take a shower and no sooner was I in there when my son knocked on the door.  It went like this:

“Hey Mum, there you are….I know what I want to be for Halloween.”

<<Squeak, door opening into the bath.>>

ME:  Oh yea, what is that?”

“I am going to be a prisoner.  A prisoner with a guitar.  I thought that since my guitar strap looked like it was from a prison, I would be a prisoner rock star. ”

ME (wondering why we are having this conversation now):  “Are you sure about the prisoner thing?  Those two images of a rock star in prisoner garb isn’t a great match”  then  silently thought well, yea it really does…

“Well that’s what I want to do, be a prisoner with a guitar walking around.”

ME:  Ok, if that’s what you want.  It’s your night.  Ok, well is that it?

(Now the big sell job) “Well, I was just wondering…like when can we go to the store to get the rest of my costume? It’s only a few days away<…pause….silence ….>and I was thinking that maybe we could go to-..”

ME: Cut him off with “Well, I can tell you I won’t be jumping out of this shower to head to the costume store…is this really the best time to discuss this?  Let’s finish this later….”

—end

If its not one thing, is another.  Second story is what we call the “Eyelash Incident”:

My son and daughter were in the bathroom together, he was brushing his teeth for bed, and she was getting ready to go out.  She was curling her eyelashes with one of those eye curler things, and my son thought it would be “funny” to tweak her arm so she moves her hand.  What the clod didn’t realize was how hard he “flicked” her elbow up and she ripped out 85% of her eyelashes.  They were still on the curler.  OMG, poor thing!  That almost started WW3.  Until he locked himself in the bath, which of course did wonders for that scenario.   This was very upsetting to my daughter, as she likes to be put together.  This of course affected her entire night. There are still a few remnants of drama lingering.

So with this as a stage and my home office’s exclusive box seat, I have to remember to take a minute and give myself a moment to catch my breathe and balance myself.   Especially during Daylight Savings Time.   Extra TLC is required to make it through.  Otherwise snappage could occur.  And that won’t be pretty.

Until next time…

I grew up hearing phrases like “Taking from Peter to pay Paul”, and “Money doesn’t grow on trees” and all that cultural anti-money noise many of us have heard in our families.

I decided awhile back that I didn’t want to buy into those messages anymore, so I began affirming my way to wealth.  Why? Because it seems that attitude puts money on the wrong end of the stick.  Small problem, however…affirming makes you feel good but doesn’t necessarily attract wealth.  That’s the problem with a pure affirmation play.

While I haven’t found the golden nugget, or the way to make millions in my sleep (and I’ve tried and still trying…), I hold the belief there is an easier way around all this.  And I know it has to do with my vibrations about money and the effort required to attract it.  I’m working on it…

It doesn’t help that the media continues to pound away at the “world is falling” message.  This upcoming election is really like no other that I can remember, it’s a complete 3 ring circus, with the media hogging the third ring.  To compound the problem, the Dow dropped another 500 points today, and I know its affecting everyone’s 401k.  I won’t even look. My Q3 statement came in and showed growth.  If I look now, it will not help me feel better at all so what’s the point.

So I’ve decided to take matters into my own hands.  I put together a no-BS cash flow budget that tracks just about every penny possible.   It’s hard to set at first, and is a real eye opener.  Gosh, I had no idea how much money our family was spending on pizza, and dining out.  Yikes…  And how much of the spending was unplanned, off the cuff, go to the ATM and get $100 type spending.   Not the way to operate, and not the way to run this household which supports more than my share of people.

So, my new budget has had benefits that I had not anticipated.  I also required going completely cold turkey on credit cards.  Not using any at all, for anything.  And breathe……. This was hard, but not as hard as breaking other habits I have…a-hem…   So, benefits include:

1.  I do have money, now that I know where it is.  Wow, who would have thought?

2.  The change in my purse really does come in handy…well most of the time as some can attest to my digging around to find change because I don’t want to break a bill…which leads to…

3.  I discovered I really hate breaking my large bills.  I like them big.  Love the Grant’s & Benjamins especially.

4.  I’m to the point where I care about how my cash bills “ride along” in my purse. All denominations are facing front, in the same direction, from highest to lowest.  I love them all, they all deserve respect.  This is as opposed to my old plan, crumpled up, some folded, stuffed everywhere, pockets, and such, never knowing where they all where.  I really think they like the new order of things, there seems to be more of them in there lately.

5.   My family constantly chirps “Is it in the budget?”  I take my 12 yr old son with me food shopping, he’s great for loading/unloading bags, and for those dispatches across the store for things I forgot. But last week we are checking out, and he’s watching the tally on the register.  “Mum, I think we’ll be in budget this time, that’s my guess.”  And sure enough we were.  These type of comments typically get large smiles from the cashier (if she’s older than 25), and from people behind me in line.  Which leads me to..

6.  It’s more about behavior modification than anything else.  Somehow the months come and go, and we make it work.  But a new mindset has me thinking like this now… “Do I really need this item”  And let me tell you, it was VERY HARD to walk thru the Patriot’s Pro Shop and buy nothing on Monday night.  It was a fight of will.  But we escaped bag-free. Phew..

7.  By taking matters in own hands, and being responsible with money leads to more money.  Strange, but true.  Not just found money in the budget, but I mean new income streams.  Sweetness…..

8.  It’s in my subconsious now.  I’ve had dreams talking about my cash plan to those in my dreams…this must be good, right???

I must give credit to Dave Ramsey, as he’s helped me on this path of goodness.  His plan works.  It’s not necessarily easy, but it works.

And I must say, there is nothing like having cash.  Cash works everywhere.  It’s really not like the debit card commercials, they just want you to think that way.

Until next time…

It was a bright, beautiful fall day. The air was crisp, I couldn’t have asked for better weather on a day full of beginnings.  That was Oct. 13, 1991 when my husband and I got married.  Of course, there were some other more humorous moments throughout the day, some of which were recorded on video.  But life was different then, the question is how different?

So, with 17 years of reflection, here’s what I know now about marriage and relationships that I didn’t know then.

1. I didn’t know jack shit on my wedding day.  Everything I thought I knew was an ideal or a false belief.

2.  Relationships are the equivalent of getting a PhD in life, it’s a never ending process of learning.

3.  Falling in love and being in love are two different things.  The falling part is the roller coaster ride, the being in love piece is more like a bicycle ride.  It’s a bit slower, and there are some harder hills, and sometimes partners are helping each other push up the bigger hills, sometimes you need to walk it, and then you can coast down the other sides together.

4.  Being a good parent does not mean you are being a good spouse.  Kids will add love and joy to a home and expand our hearts, but they can complicate things too and do not always complete a marriage or a relationship.  When I met my husband, he had two little girls ages 2 and 3.  They were adorable, and all we wanted for those girls was to provide a stable, loving home to grow roots. What I didn’t realize is that becoming a parent is a journey too, and not a really great one to thrust upon a new relationship that is still forming its own roots.  Be gentle with yourself and partner, and take the time to nourish each other before bringing others into the equation.  Because parenting will suck your energy away from each other, and even though it feels like you are working at your “relationship” you are really just developing your parenting skills.  It takes time, patience, and honest reflection.  Nourish youselves first, then you’ll have more to offer the kids.

5.  It’s all small stuff 99.5% time.  I do mean this whole-heartedly.  It IS all small stuff.  Just be careful because small stuff will add up to big stuff when ignored long enough.  This is where the breakdowns happen, feelings are ignored, voices not heard or understood, missing small opportunities that creates disappointment, small resentments that build, and so on.  So pay attention to the small stuff only so you can acknowledge it and let it go.  Holding on is where the trouble all starts, because when it becomes big enough, it can break a relationship. Which leads me to my next insight…

6.  It’s not important to be right.  Enough said.  It’s just not. Period.  If it is, then you will likely be imposing your thoughts and will on your partner, and they may or may not hear you.   Some days you may need to fall on your sword, just do it.  Be humbled, say you are sorry, don’t carry on because of the one point you still need to make.  Being right usually means you’ve stopped listening to the other person which becomes a catalyst for many other unbalanced things including seeking the opinions of others outside the relationship just to be validated, which breathes more life into bad energy, and so on.  Stop the spiral.  Mea culpa.

7.  A marriage is a story of 2 journeys, not one.  I say this because I fell into the Cinderalla story of “happily ever after” and believed that a marriage forms one journey of two souls.  What I’ve since realized is that it always has been a sharing of 2 journeys, not one.  Each of us has a personal reason of being who we are, and doing what we do, and being married does not mean that you change your entire journey to match your partners.  It is and will always be 2 journeys that open up the doors of acceptance, love, admiration, honesty between each other.  Loving each other, accepting each other, and being present for things that we each must experience so we can learn from our journeys and share the insights.  Yes, our 2-journey paths converge, which is good, but it’s the process of how we rediscover our paths back to each other that allows a stronger, richer love to grow.

Well, I think that’s what I’ve got for now.  I may come up with a couple more later, and likely less serious in nature as I reflect on the funny side of being married 17 years.  Such as:

- No household project is never really ever finished
- Socks seem to defect from our household in record numbers
- “What’s for dinner” can sometimes be a grenede launcher into a hand-to-hand battle
- Snoring can result in murderous thoughts
- And any sentence starting with “You Should” needs to be stricken from the vocabulary

Thanks for reading! Make sure to laugh out loud today!  I know I am…. 17 years and “they” thought we’d never make it….

Last weekend I had the opportunity to meet an interesting person who is an energy healer named Glen Phillips.  I was introduced to Glen by my husband’s aunt who is really cool to be with.  She’s not that much older than my husband – one of those screwy family things.

Anyway, we happened to discover last spring that we are both into energy healing. I’ve been practicing tai chi and kung fu, which uses a combination of meditations, forms and chinese medicines to balance our “chi” in our body.  I’ve found it to be a really fun outlet.  The meditations are very cool, and the forms are also self-defense and I’ve learned some pretty neat moves.  I like to try them out on the family ) and I catch them by surprise.  But I digress…

Anyway, Kate’s (the aunt) teacher was in town this weekend and I had the chance to meet Glen.  It was very cool.  He zeroed right in on an ailment I had and literally removed it from my body using healing lights and such.  I wouldn’t have believed it but I felt 100% better the next day.  It works with a process called “releasing” and connecting the mind-body with the releasing of negative thought patterns and energies.  Now, being a little selfish I wanted to share my laundry list of things I’d like removed..and my shoulder hurts, and my left hip is sore…but I did not want to be ungrateful for the wonderful healing he did do.

Glen has an interesting story of how he came unto this healing process.  To make a long storty short, he was diagnosed with less than a year to live with a bad heart.  He was moving around day to day on a scooter because he didn’t have the energy to move on his own.  He decided to move to Arizona to work with horses for this last months, and was connected to a master energy medicine healer named Alex.  He healed his heart in one session – which of course Glen did not believe.  So he went back home to Mass. to see his doctor and get a professional opinion on his heart. He was feeling a little better, but was skeptical.  Well, upon the doctor’s examination, he found his heart was completely healed and healthy.  Done. No more scooter.  Life begins again.

So he’s been teaching this art for a couple of years and he invited me to his class on Monday night to experience it more.  I’ll get into it more over the upcoming weeks, because what I learned I was just scratching the surface.  It’s a building process, just like tai chi where it will take time to actually feel like I’m getting anywhere.  Patience is required.  And I do have patience…mostly…no comments from those who know me well, a-hemm.

But a truly wonderful thing happened during this chance meeting.  He also can see spirits – now I’m getting out there but just hang on a minute…  He told me that I had a relative with me, watching over me.  A young woman in pink, someone who passed young.  And while he was telling me this, I was excited but confused.  None of the women in my family passed “young” that I remembered.  So I said, ” Gee, I’m not sure who that may be. The closest person to me who has passed was my grandmother,” and he said… “No, she’s shaking her head no, it’s not her.”  So I went on and said “Well, the only other person that comes to mind is…my father’s mother who died when my Dad was 5″ and before I could even finish that sentence, he said “Oh Yes, that is who it is.  It’s Her!  She’s shaking her head yes.”

I was stunned. First, I never met her, nor did my Dad know her. She did die young – 47 or so, with 5 kids left behind and the Dad took off.  So, in all my family gatherings, little has ever been discussed about her.  I’ve had several different readings where I’ve been told there is a grandmother figure around me, but I always thought it was my other grandmother.

So the beauty of this is that it has opened other doors for new conversations.  I’m now exploring who this person was when she was alive.  And it’s nice because I’m connecting with my Dad’s brothers and sisters, who never really got a chance to talk about her much after she died. They went right into survival mode, and she’s more like a dream in their memory now.

It just reminds me how full circle this life is, and that we often have work to do, whether on this planet or another plane. We are always expanding in some way, and it allows us to discover new dimensions that were not previously accessible.   Even when it pushes us out of comfort zone, let’s remember that it’s for the best.

This just in…

The Foster Kids of the Merrimack Valley, a non-profit org dedicated to helping local foster children, is looking for Santa’s Helpers this holiday season to help fulfill a foster child’s wish list.  Thanks to the Cheryl Rock at the Lawrence Eagle Tribune who ran this article on  Monday Oct. 6th:  Wanted: A few good Santas

The Santa’s Helpers is a volunteer program designed to anonymously match up individuals or groups from the local community with one or more foster children to help fulfill their Christmas wish lists.  This program is part of the Annual Foster Kids Christmas Party organized by the FKMV, whereby age appropriate toys are distributed to local foster children along with a gift for each foster parent.

The organization started this program last year and it was such a huge success due to volunteers from across the Merrimack Valley who wanted to help bring joy to a foster child during the holidays. There are more than 200 children and their families in need this year, our largest group yet.  I have been serving on the board for two years, and this event is so worthwhile because you can see the joy on each child’s face as they open up their packages from their Santa’s Helper.

For more information, email santashelpers@fosterkidsmv.org, or contact me directly at jgrant@sentrepity.com, Facebook: Juliann O’Connor Grant.

Thanks, now back to our regular programming…

Last week was a little rough.  Usually I thoroughly enjoy my birthday week, but what I hadn’t realized is that I was well on my way to expressing my new found voice.

What does that mean?  It means that I’m not candy coating answers anymore and just putting it out there.  The problem is, I’m finding, is that no one expects it and are shocked.  But its almost like I’m compulsed to say things, its a little rapid fire type thing.

I find it interesting.  I still consider myself a laid-back, relaxed person.  I like to be helpful and kind, its my predisposition.  But all of a sudden, I’m finding myself putting people off, even in groups.

It started with…dare I say it…an email to a large group, a-hem.  I should know by now that if I think what I’m writing may be strong then those receiving it may think it’s a wee bit stronger than I do.   I ended up calling a few of the people who I respect on this team to apologize.   But it started an interesting process of finding myself just blurting out thoughts that are truly how I feel.

So now that I’m talking turkey, I’m finding people don’t really want to know.   So all that admiring of others who blurt, I didn’t realize that it can trigger a back end clean up process – either with oneself or with others.  I found myself ruminating on these conversations, even though I know I should spend my energy elsewhere.

And even the closest people to me, who know I do scratch occasionally when backed into a corner, are even surprised.

So why is that the truth is so hard to hear?

I’m not giving up on my truth telling, because I’m all done absorbing any of the mushiness of not hurting another’s feelings in my solar plexus anymore.  That wasn’t working, that much is clear.  There must be a happy medium…

One thing that would help is I need to perfect my delivery – and help people feel good about what I’m saying, even if it isn’t the greatest thing.   Few do it well, but if you know someone who does, it is an admirable trait.

How do people react when you tell it like it is?  At what point do you stop caring about how others react?  Or do you?