Category — Debt-Free

Today I wanted to reflect on something I’m noticing in my social media travels.

Are you my friend?

A few questions to think about:

Have your feelings gotten hurt when someone does not respond in kind to a friend request?

Have you been upset to see a friend make a post on someone else’s page and not respond to any of your posts?

Do you get excited when you make a post about something, then disappointed when no one notices?  Or seems to notice?

I’ve been experimenting with social media for about a year now.  I’m an active user of Twitter, Facebook and LinkedIn.  And I am noticing, even in myself at times, that we hold unspoken expectations of our “friends” in this media, much more so than we do in real life at times.

I’ve seen this happen on Facebook to close friends of mine and I’ve helped them navigate out of this bees nest. It can and has deterioriated into blocked profiles- the ultimate door slammer.  I’ve also noticed it on Twitter too.  People unfollow people who they don’t feel interact with them the way the want to. And the emphasis is on “the way THEY want them to”.  Of course at the end of the day, we have 100% choice in who we choose to friend, follow and pay attention to.  Then why put it back on the other person?

Is all this our egos at play?  I am always happy to make friends with someone and bring them into my circle.  But then, do I go and hold them accountable to how “I” prefer to interact?  I must confess, sometimes I do.  It’s not fair, and it’s not what these connections are meant to be about.

I do think that new joiners on Facebook and Twitter set out with specific ideas in mind of how things will be for them.  The reality is usually far different from their idea.  And disappointment follows.  I’ve seen this scenario happen over and over:

- You friend someone, say an old high school friend

- They respond, excited to hear from you and give you a brief update.

- You respond, excited with a brief update.

- Then no more response from your friend.  Or vague, choppy responses.

And here’s where disappointment comes in.  You start asking yourself, “Did I say too much” Did I make this person mad?” and all the second guessing that happens at this point.

The challenge is that there are all types of computer users on Facebook and Twitter. Some check in daily, some weekly, and some monthly or whenever they get a chance.  It’s not always a “real-time” response, but of course it can be it’s just not all the time.

So my point is, let’s drop all our expectations.  Why do we have them of others, especially in this medium?  Your famly and friends probably can’t live up to them in real life, so why the heck bring them here?

Sure, there’s banter, good back and forth dialog and hip shots, that’s what makes it fun.  There is a subtle ebb and flow of information being exchanged.  It’s like a river, and you jump in and out when it’s convenient for you.  But when we start judging others based on their response, lack of response, or what appears to be lack of interest, just let it go.

Let’s let everyone be who they are.  I always tell people “Just be you” in these applications.  You don’t have to be witty all the time, or profound.  Just be you.  And let others be them.  This is the ultimate definition for a being a good friend.  Respond when something moves you to, otherwise don’t respond at all.  Sometimes silence is golden.  And sometimes a funny retort is a perfect response.  Don’t think too much about it.  Just let it happen.  And don’t get wrapped up in reading between the lines.  That’s where trouble is lurking.

I grew up hearing phrases like “Taking from Peter to pay Paul”, and “Money doesn’t grow on trees” and all that cultural anti-money noise many of us have heard in our families.

I decided awhile back that I didn’t want to buy into those messages anymore, so I began affirming my way to wealth.  Why? Because it seems that attitude puts money on the wrong end of the stick.  Small problem, however…affirming makes you feel good but doesn’t necessarily attract wealth.  That’s the problem with a pure affirmation play.

While I haven’t found the golden nugget, or the way to make millions in my sleep (and I’ve tried and still trying…), I hold the belief there is an easier way around all this.  And I know it has to do with my vibrations about money and the effort required to attract it.  I’m working on it…

It doesn’t help that the media continues to pound away at the “world is falling” message.  This upcoming election is really like no other that I can remember, it’s a complete 3 ring circus, with the media hogging the third ring.  To compound the problem, the Dow dropped another 500 points today, and I know its affecting everyone’s 401k.  I won’t even look. My Q3 statement came in and showed growth.  If I look now, it will not help me feel better at all so what’s the point.

So I’ve decided to take matters into my own hands.  I put together a no-BS cash flow budget that tracks just about every penny possible.   It’s hard to set at first, and is a real eye opener.  Gosh, I had no idea how much money our family was spending on pizza, and dining out.  Yikes…  And how much of the spending was unplanned, off the cuff, go to the ATM and get $100 type spending.   Not the way to operate, and not the way to run this household which supports more than my share of people.

So, my new budget has had benefits that I had not anticipated.  I also required going completely cold turkey on credit cards.  Not using any at all, for anything.  And breathe……. This was hard, but not as hard as breaking other habits I have…a-hem…   So, benefits include:

1.  I do have money, now that I know where it is.  Wow, who would have thought?

2.  The change in my purse really does come in handy…well most of the time as some can attest to my digging around to find change because I don’t want to break a bill…which leads to…

3.  I discovered I really hate breaking my large bills.  I like them big.  Love the Grant’s & Benjamins especially.

4.  I’m to the point where I care about how my cash bills “ride along” in my purse. All denominations are facing front, in the same direction, from highest to lowest.  I love them all, they all deserve respect.  This is as opposed to my old plan, crumpled up, some folded, stuffed everywhere, pockets, and such, never knowing where they all where.  I really think they like the new order of things, there seems to be more of them in there lately.

5.   My family constantly chirps “Is it in the budget?”  I take my 12 yr old son with me food shopping, he’s great for loading/unloading bags, and for those dispatches across the store for things I forgot. But last week we are checking out, and he’s watching the tally on the register.  “Mum, I think we’ll be in budget this time, that’s my guess.”  And sure enough we were.  These type of comments typically get large smiles from the cashier (if she’s older than 25), and from people behind me in line.  Which leads me to..

6.  It’s more about behavior modification than anything else.  Somehow the months come and go, and we make it work.  But a new mindset has me thinking like this now… “Do I really need this item”  And let me tell you, it was VERY HARD to walk thru the Patriot’s Pro Shop and buy nothing on Monday night.  It was a fight of will.  But we escaped bag-free. Phew..

7.  By taking matters in own hands, and being responsible with money leads to more money.  Strange, but true.  Not just found money in the budget, but I mean new income streams.  Sweetness…..

8.  It’s in my subconsious now.  I’ve had dreams talking about my cash plan to those in my dreams…this must be good, right???

I must give credit to Dave Ramsey, as he’s helped me on this path of goodness.  His plan works.  It’s not necessarily easy, but it works.

And I must say, there is nothing like having cash.  Cash works everywhere.  It’s really not like the debit card commercials, they just want you to think that way.

Until next time…

You know, I’ve been down this road before. Refinance, turn up the spending, and refinance again. So much that I’ve continually increased our family’s debt by thousands of dollars – maybe even if I added it up hundreds of thousands counting our equity loan. EEEK!! Why and how the heck did I do that? And why did I need an equity loan if I refinanced?

And this is the merry-go-round that I’ve been on that I recently (last May) decided to get off from. I’m not as dizzy as I was in May, being 4 months into managing a tight cash flow budget.

I’m almost debt-free not counting the house, thanks to Dave Ramsey. He’s kept me on the straight and narrow, and talks basic sense about finances and the trouble America is in with debt.

The problem is debt is sneaky, and many of us are still asleep at the wheel. And with all the financial trouble we hear about day-in day-out, things are not getting better. Credit card companies are feeling the crunch in late payments. I know that when I was on the debt-train, that the collection calls were relentless. American Excess was the worst, calling 2x a day and you always knew because the caller ID noted Phoenix or Florida – their 2 collection centers. They can get downright nasty, even after I spent thousands of dollars with them and ALWAYS paid them off – eventually. Maybe not in the time frame they would have preferred – as my husband says, we’re in the late pay pile, not the no pay pile.

And news on the street is collectors are turning up the heat. In the WSJ article yesterday, the creditors are getting bigger sticks to beat their delinquent payers up. They’re even beefing up their collections staffs with the hopes that they will collect a little more.

Got your caller ID ready? Good, you’ll be able to ignore the calls. Whatever you do, DON’T answer. They’ll fake being nice, and then be ignorant.

More importantly, let’s get smart. Let’s not buy into our debt-ridden culture. Let’s use cash, buy with cash, save with cash, like our grandparents did. What happens when the ATM is down? You use cash. It’s always accepted. And is highly prized in crisises like torrential storms where you couldn’t use a card reader to save your life. But with cash, you can.

Cash is King!

I learned that in a training class that discussed understanding financials back a few years ago. It’s still true.

If you are sick and tired of being sick and tired, check into Dave Ramsey’s Total Money Makeover – it’s good, straightforward advice that will get you out of debt and using income the way we should be.

I’m almost out, and I’ve got my entire household asking me: “Is it in the budget?” Music to my ears.

#daveramsey, #finances, #creditcarddebt, #debt