Category — Family Drama

When we bought this house just about 12 years ago, at the time we needed alot of space.  Our 2 daughters were 15 and 16, and our son was 3.  There was always a bustle in the house, someone going here, someone going there, teens in and out, eating out of the fridge, cupboards went from bare to replenished to bare again in 2 days time.  It made life interesting (errr, a-hemm).

And when the girls were in their teens, they couldn’t WAIT to get out of this house.  It was like we were keeping them here in chains.  So they both left the house in their teens, and while we were a bit upset at them leaving in a rush, there was not much to do except let them go.  And we did.

So fast forward a couple years later in the cold world, and both girls have been back at one point or another.  Right now one is living with us, with our grandson who is 2.   Our bedrooms never seem to get empty enough where I do something new with the space.  I guess that’s a good thing… At one point I was setting up my upstairs dojo in a spare room,  when the revolving door opened again.  As soon as space opens up, the universal vacuum kicks in and wella, the space is filled yet again.

We’re ok with helping them get back on their feet.  We don’t want them to leave in a big rush again and find themselves in a hole, but then again we don’t want them to take “too” long either… So, I thought I ‘d share my tips for living with adult children since the perils are equally as challenging as teenagers:

1.  Do try to set boundaries.  They don’t always work but especially when there are younger ones involved, try to establish some ground rules.  This could involve willingness to babysit (when grandkids are involved), laundry days, etc.  Nothing is worse than competing for laundry machines in your own house!

2. Work together to set a goal for moving.  Help them organize their finances and plans so that they have the best chance of hitting their goals.  The reality is, they don’t really want to stay there any longer than necessary, but it also helps to avoid complacency if they do get a little “too” comfortable.

3.  Require some semblance of room tidiness.  Surprising fact: an adult child can quickly regress into keeping their room like they did when they were a teenager.  This alone can drive anyone mad crazy.  At one point, we spoke with our daughter when she was on the bad end of this spectrum and she promptly said ” Well David’s room is just as bad as mine.”  Whoa there, he’s 14, you’re 25 and already been out of the house and now back.  Your time has come and gone!  No dice…

4.  Learn to let go of small stuff.  Just like any child would, there is a clutter of mess that gets left behind.  As much as you want to think that they will pick up after themselves, you discover that not to be the case.  Sure you can gripe about it, but all it gets is frustration.  So, learn to focus on the big stuff and ignore the small stuff.

5.  Get rent if you can.  Sometimes this is a touchy subject.  My husband and I diverge on this point.  My approach is to charge a nominal fee for rent, and then put that money away to support their future move.  Let’s face it, saving money can be hard so this is a way to help that process in the name of “rent.”  It also lets them feel they are contributing to the household.  But if your other half isn’t on board, it’s unlikely to get roots.

6.   Plan for surprises.  Surprises come in all forms.  Just recently a surprise for us was when  a small party turned into a big party of 32 people!  Other surprises include last minute requests for help … financial or otherwise, significant others coming to stay, and so on.

7. Keep communication doors open.  Things can go sour with unspoken, resentful thoughts lingering around.  Reactions will be similar to how this same child would react if they were a teenager.  So be prepared for some drama, even though you’d think they would have grown out of it by now.  Take some of the responsibility in that we own some of the energetic communication that is in the “air” and just not being spoken aloud.

Ok, so the reality is, alot of this stuff won’t happen the way you want it to.  We’ve been successful with items 1, 4 and 6 and 7.  We tried for #2 and #3, but initial plans went south and tidiness is still an issue.  But then I go to #4 of not sweating the small stuff, that’s what really does help keep things flowing smoothly.  The rest have hit the wall at one point or another, or just never got off the ground. It’s ok, we’re all still learning.  Relationships require lots of patience, understanding and compromise.

If you experienced this, what has worked for you?

I’m in a quandry, and I’m not sure which way to go.  It also has to do with my 14 year old son, who is a good natured kid, but who has a will of steel that he wields around at times.  Having an open mind is often a conumdrum when talking to a teen….

Choosing a path

So my quandry is this – and it’s a religious one to boot – he has been going regularly to CCD since he was little.  He’s entering the last two years of his youth ministry where he is eligible to receive the sacrament of confirmation.  Now, let me just say that while we are not ideal Sunday worshipping Catholics, we do have Christian values and he’s been participating in CCD since he was 5.  In fact, my son was an alter server at the church for a few years until he got sick of it.

So, guess what he’s sick of now?  Yup, CCD and he’s put his foot down about participating in the confirmation program.  He gave me some shit about attending the the first orientation, but we still went.  Things hit the roof that night though, when it came down to choosing which events and trips he would participate in.  The conversation went like this:

HIM:  “I am NOT participating in ANY events, and I’m NOT doing this. No way. This is stupid.”

ME: “But you have to sign up for something, better to pick something now than not have a choice later.”

HIM: “You are not listening to me…I AM NOT DOING THIS. THIS IS STUUUU-PID.”

This went on for a few minutes. I caught a few parental “glares”….mind you my son has longer hair than me so he’s a bit of a spectacle to boot.  His irreverence was obvious.  He really dug his feet in.  So much so that I lost my temper (so much for being zen and believing in outcomes I want) and stormed out of the school gym in complete ire.

And here’s the real quandry.  During the meeting, one of the leaders spoke about what it means to confirms one’s faith and told a story about her daughter who at the time didn’t believe in God and asked her Mother if she had to be confirmed…and her mother said No, because it’s more important to be ready for the sacrament spiritually than to be forced into something you don’t want to do or believe in. Well, this is all my son needed to hear. This prompted the argument that I just described.

I feel torn by the whole thing.  Do I really care that he receive confirmation?  I never thought he wouldn’t, really.  I grew up that way and to be honest, I never entertained the fact that I could say no.  It wasn’t an option.  But why do I care? I think for me it’s more about finishing something you start.  It’s even less about the sacrament.  So If I don’t care about the sacrament, then why push him to do it at all?  What I like about this part of program is that it involves alot of service to others – helping at soup kitchens, home repairs for the elderly, etc.   I think that it is important to learn to give back.  And then I think…well you can learn that without going to confirmation program.  Honestly if I force my son to continue with the program, he won’t get all that much out of it.  He’ll have his ears turned off most of the time, I just know it based on the beliefs he is holding now.  He doesn’t know what he doesn’t know, and he knows everything so he’s all set…lol.

If I force him to go, it’s my will against his.  It’s a tiresome battle.  There is an active role for parents in this program so we’ll be with him much of the time.  So I win, but what do I really win?  Do I really want him to associate God with all this resistance?

If I let him step out of the program, then he wins.  His will have bended my will (again).  He’s been known to quit things, so we’re trying to teach him the importance of responsibility to finish what you start. At the moment he’s grounded for his behavior, but I need to get to a conclusion.

I was thinking a middle ground could be to allow him to step out of the program, but put together my own program of service.  Perhaps 1x month he can decide how he wants to serve, pick a charity and do something for someone else.  It will force him out of his comfort zone, and perhaps he’ll pick up some of the growth that would happen in a confirmation program less the resistance.

I don’t want to be the old fashioned person who forces their kid through confirmation with the expectation that when they are done, they can choose as they desire about religion and how they participate. We all know he’ll stop going to church altogther until his 30s.  I know I did.

What would you do?  Do kids have too many choices these days?  My mother wouldn’t have had this quandry. Or am I making my own?

It was a typical morning that started out with all its rituals.  Tea, breakfast for boy, let dog out, gather school things, issue order to brush teeth….no response, issue it twice…no response, yell about teeth, then yell again for dawdling and being late.   As I was getting ready to walk out the door, I knew I had a few extra minutes to clean snow off the truck…A-gain.  Until I realized that my car keys were no where to be found.  At first I was fine, I went through all the rigamarole of retracing last steps, thinking methodically.  When that ran out of runway, I resorted to creating mass chaos, shuffling papers all around my office, mail around the kitchen,  emptying my handbag once, then twice, then panic started to set in.  But then I realized that my husband had driven it the day before when he was plowing the driving.  So I run downstairs to his man-cave and fish around the table or his coat pockets (a dangerous mission at best).  Nothing.

Meanwhile, I still had to clean the car off and time was ticking. As I’m panicking, I realize that there is a spare key.  I’m spending all this time looking for MY key and not using the spare key. Classic moment.  All that hubub for nothing.

But it’s a tough time of year for us New Englander’s.  We are sick and tired of the snow. We got another 4 inches yesterday.

My husband plows and I can tell you our customers are sick of writing checks to us, but the snow continues to hit. We’ve had more storms this year than in several years prior.  And, Spring has been teasing us.  Every time we see green grass again and 50 degrees, we get another storm.  All this snow has me longing for warmer weather.

So back to the lost keys – I posted a note on my whiteboard that said “Keys Please?” to remind others that I was still searching.  And what started out as a plea for my car keys has turned into another plea.  A plea for a trip to the Keys….especially our favorite Key West. We usually take a trip annually as our adult vacation, but my new budget wasn’t having that this year.  So over the past few days, my husband and I have been taking a virtual vacation with our white board:

We got palm trees, sunset, drinks, scooters, the Half Shell, the X-rated factor (ala my husband’s addition) and the last item of the man in the chair falling is a very funny story that happened to a fellow dear to my heart while closing down Irish Kevin’s.   Guess what happens when your feet get stuck in a stool while it’s tipping over?  We laughed for days then, and we’re still laughing now.  Can’t wait to get back there in the Fall.  I don’t think I can let the budget determine that this year!

Anyone else love the Keys?  October here we come!

This is a question posed frequently at my house.  Our family is rough and rugged, nothing dainty here.   My mom calls my house the black hole.  Once anything is in my house, good luck finding it again.   We’d be a great test group for appliances, cookware, furniture. If it can last at my house, it’s all right for sure.  But some days it really pisses me off.  I mean, why can’t we just have nice things?  I have no idea why.  Is it laziness?  Or ignorance?

Take for instance, I just bought a couple of new frypans.  I know, boring, but I needed them.  I debated about teflon vs. stainless steel, because people in my family won’t think twice about using metal silverware or cookware in them. But I bought teflon anyway, it was a good deal.

So when I get home, I was talking to the family about the pans, and that they can’t be pans can’t be left soaking or anything, or scraped with metal, blah blah.  I felt like Charlie Brown’s teacher.  Mrs. Wah-wahhh  they stopped listening at the word “wash”.  So guess what happens yesterday?  The brand freaking new pan in the dishwasher.

OMG.  I almost lost it.  I had my little “in my mind” tirade that went like “I can’t believe..” “Why the eff…” “Who put the effin….”  Of course this got me no where.  See, as I get older, it’s the smaller things that will drive me nuts.  So I left this on the whiteboard for everyone:

I hope that message works.  Of course, time will tell.  Sometimes it helps to be completely obvious.  I didn’t assign a “name” on the list above, it was really a message for all.

Am I nuts?  Anyone else deal with this insanity?

Lately I’ve been pondering the idea of quitting my coffee habit, and thinking that it’s really not that good for me.  I’ve had some minor medical issues, but lately I’m noticing my system slowing down on a few levels.  At the end of a regular day, my energy level is completely zapped.  I keep reading about how caffeine is not my friend, especially after the big 4-0.

So on Saturday morning, I decided to quit it cold turkey.  That’s the way I do everything, just take it and run with it.   I started thinking about my daily intake of liquids, and it consists of three things:  Coffee, Water and Alcohol, mostly wine and beer.  So, with that mix, I figured it would be interesting to change one of the variables.  Of course, alcohol is still out there, but one mountain at a time.

Let’s just say it’s been an interesting few days.  And I feel better. I really do. But there’s hell to pay in the process.  Such as:

1.    My patience is down to zilch. Zero. Nada. No more.  Ok, no big surprise, we’d expect at least that.
2.    I’m pretty snarky.  It’s funny because my husband notices every little inflection in my tone, and gets pissy with me when I start to get pissy.  Oh my, all I can say is how will we ever survive the next several years through the big change that’s supposed to be coming?   I don’t even want to say its name outloud.
3.    I’m a little jumpy.  I can feel my nerves on edge.

A recent conversation on my quitting coffee went down like this:

DH:  I don’t get why you need to do this. You like coffee, right?  Why would you stop drinking coffee?  I think it’s those vitamins you are taking.  Have you stopped taking those?  I think those vitamins are what caused your recent health problems, and it also gave me my kidney stone.

[Now side note, my DH’s diet consists of Mountain Dew or Sprite (for those low caffeine nights), eats sugary snacks well up to 10 or 11 pm, (just last night it was a large bowl of captain crunch) and never reads a thing.  So tell me how he would have such insight?  Oh, and I forgot this – 2  pack habit a day.]

ME:  Oh, really?

DH:  Well, it’s something I’ve been thinking for a long time.  All I know is I got my kidney stones right after I started taking them.  How can my vitamins be the same as your vitamin?  We’re completely different.  That’s always bothered me.

ME:  Well, I actually feel LESS better since I’ve been off the vitamins.  I guess I’m not sure how you get to that conclusion….but….I do think that instead of trying to blame something like a vitamin for a condition, that maybe you need to think about what you put in your body day-in-day-out, maybe read an article or two about kidney stones or whatever is bothering you, and not just make sweeping statements….<pause> what, you were barely even taking the vitamins for a month before you decided to get off them.

DH: No, it was longer than that.  {defensive now}

ME:  Well, then it was a whopping  3 months.  Look, I welcome the fact that you are thinking about health issues.  But do me a favor, look at your own habits, read an article or 2 from an expert in the area, and THEN tell me what needs to change. ….. It’s a known published fact that caffeine can be a problem for women my age.

<>

Isnt’ it time we grew up?  Isn’t it time we stop eating like we were 12?  I mean, it worked then but I know it’s not working now.  Yea, that middle of the night heartburn?  Well, that’s just the Captain (Crunch) paying you another visit.  Maybe on second thought, the Cap’n shold not have been invited in the house.

My intuition has been telling me this (the coffee thing) awhile, otherwise I wouldn’t have come to mind.  I also don’t like feeling like I “need” any particular thing. If I feel something has some sort of hold on me, I want out.

I must say though, I am worried about how DH will manage thru the next 10 years or so as things change for me.  My snarkiness will only continue to get sharper.  And unfortunately, the words are flowing so much faster and easier than they did before.

My normal approach is to be congenial, friendly, accommodating, and helpful.  I thnk that’s changing to sharp, to the point., get-out-of-my-way, communication.  Hmm…could be a problem.

It will be interesting to see how the rest of this goes.  So far after 3 days off coffee, I’m feeling better already.

Last night I made a dinner of spaghetti with homemade tomato sauce.  While I normally enjoy cooking when I have time to spare, lately making dinner feels so rushed.  I am known for completely missing the “cooking” window in the evenings, despite my 12 year old’s incessant questions “What’s for dinner, Mom?”  Cereal, if you don’t leave me alone.

And Time Ticks By

Maybe it’s the fact that it gets dark so quick and the days end early that compounds the rushed feeling.  Or maybe it’s because I feel like I have ADD while I’m trying to learn about the latest in social media and  keeping up with reading a bunch of blogs of people I now love.  Some nights I think I am nuts, my hands on the keyboard, with panicked breath, looking through my Google reader, just one more blog, just one more…oh and here’s a great twitter note, I’ll just add my ten cents…  And time  t i c k s  by…and guess what?  It’s waaay past my bedtime, and oh shit, I didn’t write a THING, what am I doing ?  And I can’t keep pointing to “what he said” or “what she said”, I’m supposed to be creative, right?  I thought I was, until I met all these other really great creative people who seem to publish my ideas right out of my head.  How did they know I was thinking that??

Oops, I forgot what I was doing..

So, the problem is, that when I do cook, I end up leaving it unattended…sometimes too long…because I’m writing one more email, researching one more article, one more one more…and low and behold, and dinner gets burned.   This happened again last night, making the sauce.  I burned the damn sauce, sheesh I make myself crazy. Last week I forgot I was boling water for my breakfast, and boiled it down to the pan.  My son kept saying, Mom what smells like cheese?  Well, that’s burned pan, my son, how come you didn’t know that?

Putting off what needs tending to

But as I think about these not-so-great patterns, I really don’t want to burn down this house…I wonder about what the bigger message is here.  Burning the sauce, in my mind, is just another way of putting things off that need tending to.  Making food is creative, just as writing is creative.

It’s the world’s way of telling me to wake up, finish what you start, and don’t leave it for “others” to take care of cause it will burn.   Sometimes I’m a student, sometime’s I’m the teacher, I don’t need to be both at the same moment all the time.  Make room for both without guilt.  I have work to do here, just as we all do.  And I know there is room for all of us and our ideas, it doesn’t matter who thought of it first.  The point is to get it out there, and stop worrying about it being right or good enough.

And by allowing myself to focus on what I’m doing at that moment, I can realize the most joy in those moments.  Nothing is better than sitting down to a delicious meal, and I am a good cook.   And nothing is worse when I burn things, and ruin the goodness that was to be.  (and feel those unspoken thoughts of “what was she doing on the computer AGAIN”)

So I ask myself, where else am I burning the sauce? I’m sure I can come up with a few thoughts, but more importantly I am making a commitment to myself to focus on the “here and now” and be my best self in what I do, whatever it is in that moment.

What about you? Are there places in your life where you are burning the sauce?

Veteran’s Day is one of those holidays that doesn’t get enough recognition.  Well, it does but it doesn’t.  It’s one of those holidays that just sort of passes by, maybe a parade or ceremony in our areas, but nothing that is really over the top.  And it is too bad, because it deserves equal fanfare as July 4th.  It’s just as special, and possibly more near and dear to our hearts because it represents a lineage of family who fought for our country, year-in, year-out.  It’s our brothers, sisters, mothers, fathers, cousins, neighbors, our families and friends.  They deserve fireworks, and all the fanfare that we can muster.

My husband’s got an Uncle Dick, who is quite the character and lady charmer (in a good way), recently completed a detailed geneaology project, which tracked his mother’s lineage all the back to the Mayflower.   It even goes back to England and some King lineage.  He published his findings in book that recorded every family name.  It’s quite impressive.

But what was also obvious was their dedication to serving this country.  So many generations, this family participated in just about every war.  And we have several near and dear to our hearts out there fighting now. (Donna & Jason, James, Jay)

So it’s for them, every veteran, and every active duty personnel serving today, that we share our heartfelt thanks for doing your part and being in service to our country.  You help our freedom reign.

Thank you

I have a hard time with daylight savings time in the Fall.  “Falling” back in time in general doesn’t work for me.  My preference is not to go back, it hasn’t served me well in the past.  The real issue is that I feel extra tired extra early with sun setting so early, every day.  I long for my evening walks at dusk.  The smell of grass.  Dog at my side.

But this time of year really screws with my internal balance mechanisms and I feel like the world is slightly tilted.   I’m ready for bed by 9 pm.  Now my college buddies or cousins would probably not find this surprising…as I was always ragged on for hitting the sack early.  Hey, I like my sleep, and it didn’t help that I didn’t make the drinking age cutoff at school.  But I digress.

I spend a majority of my time at this computer, working my day job.  I’m not complaining, I’m fortunate enough to have a home office and I love my commute.  But ask anyone who’s been in the presence of my office for any period of time, and they will tell you it’s anything but peaceful.

I sit in basically a major traffic zone in my home.  It screws with my good chi.   My husband operates his construction company in the basement, so they come up and down for this and that.  My mother comes over to visit as she & my Dad live in the inlaw residence.  Her visits often happen at the most inopportune moments when I can’t really talk to her, which makes her mad at times…Sorry, Mom!   Then we also have my daughter Valerie and my grandson JJ who is 2, who are also around during the workday and add to the distraction level.

So, as we approach this coming Sunday’s time change, I’m struggling with the balance of things.  Good news is that after Sunday we can start moving toward the better, more light days.  Let’s just get it over with. Like the election.  Everyone is on edge and it’s time to move forward.

I do try to savor every moment, but they even find me there. Just tonight I decided to take a shower and no sooner was I in there when my son knocked on the door.  It went like this:

“Hey Mum, there you are….I know what I want to be for Halloween.”

<<Squeak, door opening into the bath.>>

ME:  Oh yea, what is that?”

“I am going to be a prisoner.  A prisoner with a guitar.  I thought that since my guitar strap looked like it was from a prison, I would be a prisoner rock star. ”

ME (wondering why we are having this conversation now):  “Are you sure about the prisoner thing?  Those two images of a rock star in prisoner garb isn’t a great match”  then  silently thought well, yea it really does…

“Well that’s what I want to do, be a prisoner with a guitar walking around.”

ME:  Ok, if that’s what you want.  It’s your night.  Ok, well is that it?

(Now the big sell job) “Well, I was just wondering…like when can we go to the store to get the rest of my costume? It’s only a few days away<…pause….silence ….>and I was thinking that maybe we could go to-..”

ME: Cut him off with “Well, I can tell you I won’t be jumping out of this shower to head to the costume store…is this really the best time to discuss this?  Let’s finish this later….”

—end

If its not one thing, is another.  Second story is what we call the “Eyelash Incident”:

My son and daughter were in the bathroom together, he was brushing his teeth for bed, and she was getting ready to go out.  She was curling her eyelashes with one of those eye curler things, and my son thought it would be “funny” to tweak her arm so she moves her hand.  What the clod didn’t realize was how hard he “flicked” her elbow up and she ripped out 85% of her eyelashes.  They were still on the curler.  OMG, poor thing!  That almost started WW3.  Until he locked himself in the bath, which of course did wonders for that scenario.   This was very upsetting to my daughter, as she likes to be put together.  This of course affected her entire night. There are still a few remnants of drama lingering.

So with this as a stage and my home office’s exclusive box seat, I have to remember to take a minute and give myself a moment to catch my breathe and balance myself.   Especially during Daylight Savings Time.   Extra TLC is required to make it through.  Otherwise snappage could occur.  And that won’t be pretty.

Until next time…

It was a bright, beautiful fall day. The air was crisp, I couldn’t have asked for better weather on a day full of beginnings.  That was Oct. 13, 1991 when my husband and I got married.  Of course, there were some other more humorous moments throughout the day, some of which were recorded on video.  But life was different then, the question is how different?

So, with 17 years of reflection, here’s what I know now about marriage and relationships that I didn’t know then.

1. I didn’t know jack shit on my wedding day.  Everything I thought I knew was an ideal or a false belief.

2.  Relationships are the equivalent of getting a PhD in life, it’s a never ending process of learning.

3.  Falling in love and being in love are two different things.  The falling part is the roller coaster ride, the being in love piece is more like a bicycle ride.  It’s a bit slower, and there are some harder hills, and sometimes partners are helping each other push up the bigger hills, sometimes you need to walk it, and then you can coast down the other sides together.

4.  Being a good parent does not mean you are being a good spouse.  Kids will add love and joy to a home and expand our hearts, but they can complicate things too and do not always complete a marriage or a relationship.  When I met my husband, he had two little girls ages 2 and 3.  They were adorable, and all we wanted for those girls was to provide a stable, loving home to grow roots. What I didn’t realize is that becoming a parent is a journey too, and not a really great one to thrust upon a new relationship that is still forming its own roots.  Be gentle with yourself and partner, and take the time to nourish each other before bringing others into the equation.  Because parenting will suck your energy away from each other, and even though it feels like you are working at your “relationship” you are really just developing your parenting skills.  It takes time, patience, and honest reflection.  Nourish youselves first, then you’ll have more to offer the kids.

5.  It’s all small stuff 99.5% time.  I do mean this whole-heartedly.  It IS all small stuff.  Just be careful because small stuff will add up to big stuff when ignored long enough.  This is where the breakdowns happen, feelings are ignored, voices not heard or understood, missing small opportunities that creates disappointment, small resentments that build, and so on.  So pay attention to the small stuff only so you can acknowledge it and let it go.  Holding on is where the trouble all starts, because when it becomes big enough, it can break a relationship. Which leads me to my next insight…

6.  It’s not important to be right.  Enough said.  It’s just not. Period.  If it is, then you will likely be imposing your thoughts and will on your partner, and they may or may not hear you.   Some days you may need to fall on your sword, just do it.  Be humbled, say you are sorry, don’t carry on because of the one point you still need to make.  Being right usually means you’ve stopped listening to the other person which becomes a catalyst for many other unbalanced things including seeking the opinions of others outside the relationship just to be validated, which breathes more life into bad energy, and so on.  Stop the spiral.  Mea culpa.

7.  A marriage is a story of 2 journeys, not one.  I say this because I fell into the Cinderalla story of “happily ever after” and believed that a marriage forms one journey of two souls.  What I’ve since realized is that it always has been a sharing of 2 journeys, not one.  Each of us has a personal reason of being who we are, and doing what we do, and being married does not mean that you change your entire journey to match your partners.  It is and will always be 2 journeys that open up the doors of acceptance, love, admiration, honesty between each other.  Loving each other, accepting each other, and being present for things that we each must experience so we can learn from our journeys and share the insights.  Yes, our 2-journey paths converge, which is good, but it’s the process of how we rediscover our paths back to each other that allows a stronger, richer love to grow.

Well, I think that’s what I’ve got for now.  I may come up with a couple more later, and likely less serious in nature as I reflect on the funny side of being married 17 years.  Such as:

- No household project is never really ever finished
- Socks seem to defect from our household in record numbers
- “What’s for dinner” can sometimes be a grenede launcher into a hand-to-hand battle
- Snoring can result in murderous thoughts
- And any sentence starting with “You Should” needs to be stricken from the vocabulary

Thanks for reading! Make sure to laugh out loud today!  I know I am…. 17 years and “they” thought we’d never make it….

Last week was a little rough.  Usually I thoroughly enjoy my birthday week, but what I hadn’t realized is that I was well on my way to expressing my new found voice.

What does that mean?  It means that I’m not candy coating answers anymore and just putting it out there.  The problem is, I’m finding, is that no one expects it and are shocked.  But its almost like I’m compulsed to say things, its a little rapid fire type thing.

I find it interesting.  I still consider myself a laid-back, relaxed person.  I like to be helpful and kind, its my predisposition.  But all of a sudden, I’m finding myself putting people off, even in groups.

It started with…dare I say it…an email to a large group, a-hem.  I should know by now that if I think what I’m writing may be strong then those receiving it may think it’s a wee bit stronger than I do.   I ended up calling a few of the people who I respect on this team to apologize.   But it started an interesting process of finding myself just blurting out thoughts that are truly how I feel.

So now that I’m talking turkey, I’m finding people don’t really want to know.   So all that admiring of others who blurt, I didn’t realize that it can trigger a back end clean up process – either with oneself or with others.  I found myself ruminating on these conversations, even though I know I should spend my energy elsewhere.

And even the closest people to me, who know I do scratch occasionally when backed into a corner, are even surprised.

So why is that the truth is so hard to hear?

I’m not giving up on my truth telling, because I’m all done absorbing any of the mushiness of not hurting another’s feelings in my solar plexus anymore.  That wasn’t working, that much is clear.  There must be a happy medium…

One thing that would help is I need to perfect my delivery – and help people feel good about what I’m saying, even if it isn’t the greatest thing.   Few do it well, but if you know someone who does, it is an admirable trait.

How do people react when you tell it like it is?  At what point do you stop caring about how others react?  Or do you?