Category — Social Media

Today I wanted to reflect on something I’m noticing in my social media travels.

Are you my friend?

A few questions to think about:

Have your feelings gotten hurt when someone does not respond in kind to a friend request?

Have you been upset to see a friend make a post on someone else’s page and not respond to any of your posts?

Do you get excited when you make a post about something, then disappointed when no one notices?  Or seems to notice?

I’ve been experimenting with social media for about a year now.  I’m an active user of Twitter, Facebook and LinkedIn.  And I am noticing, even in myself at times, that we hold unspoken expectations of our “friends” in this media, much more so than we do in real life at times.

I’ve seen this happen on Facebook to close friends of mine and I’ve helped them navigate out of this bees nest. It can and has deterioriated into blocked profiles- the ultimate door slammer.  I’ve also noticed it on Twitter too.  People unfollow people who they don’t feel interact with them the way the want to. And the emphasis is on “the way THEY want them to”.  Of course at the end of the day, we have 100% choice in who we choose to friend, follow and pay attention to.  Then why put it back on the other person?

Is all this our egos at play?  I am always happy to make friends with someone and bring them into my circle.  But then, do I go and hold them accountable to how “I” prefer to interact?  I must confess, sometimes I do.  It’s not fair, and it’s not what these connections are meant to be about.

I do think that new joiners on Facebook and Twitter set out with specific ideas in mind of how things will be for them.  The reality is usually far different from their idea.  And disappointment follows.  I’ve seen this scenario happen over and over:

- You friend someone, say an old high school friend

- They respond, excited to hear from you and give you a brief update.

- You respond, excited with a brief update.

- Then no more response from your friend.  Or vague, choppy responses.

And here’s where disappointment comes in.  You start asking yourself, “Did I say too much” Did I make this person mad?” and all the second guessing that happens at this point.

The challenge is that there are all types of computer users on Facebook and Twitter. Some check in daily, some weekly, and some monthly or whenever they get a chance.  It’s not always a “real-time” response, but of course it can be it’s just not all the time.

So my point is, let’s drop all our expectations.  Why do we have them of others, especially in this medium?  Your famly and friends probably can’t live up to them in real life, so why the heck bring them here?

Sure, there’s banter, good back and forth dialog and hip shots, that’s what makes it fun.  There is a subtle ebb and flow of information being exchanged.  It’s like a river, and you jump in and out when it’s convenient for you.  But when we start judging others based on their response, lack of response, or what appears to be lack of interest, just let it go.

Let’s let everyone be who they are.  I always tell people “Just be you” in these applications.  You don’t have to be witty all the time, or profound.  Just be you.  And let others be them.  This is the ultimate definition for a being a good friend.  Respond when something moves you to, otherwise don’t respond at all.  Sometimes silence is golden.  And sometimes a funny retort is a perfect response.  Don’t think too much about it.  Just let it happen.  And don’t get wrapped up in reading between the lines.  That’s where trouble is lurking.

I recently set up a MySpace profile so I could participate in some fun family exchanges, as several of them are on MySpace.  They’ve invited me to be in their “mob” and have “bought” me several times over on “Own Your Friends” application.

The problems started when one of my son’s friends was trash talking by changing the “status” of those friends you own.   Under normal circumstances, I don’t mind a little trash talking.  I figure they are exploring their own independence, and I usually don’t wrap myself up in feeling offended because who cares, really.

Well the heat turned up, and the trash talking went way beyond “Yo-Mama” jokes and right into obscene.  This has carried on for a few weeks, and I finally had enough.  While I’m all for kids exercising independence and having a voice, this was going a step too far.

So I called the Mom and told her that she may just want to take a peek at her son’s MySpace.  I didn’t allude to the horrors of what was written – some of it was insults about me, my son, body parts, and such.  I would just loved to been a fly on the wall to see her reading this material.

I think the problem is parents may not really know what’s going on with MySpace and other Internet sites.  I think its important that if you know your child is on MySpace, that you set up your own profile, and see what’s happening for yourself.  You’ll be able to see the types of conversations, their “friends” and more and can help guide them.  There is just too much latitude on the Internet for a child, especially ages 12-18.  I found that younger children tend to stick to their worlds of penguins and things, but when they near teenage years they begin expanding outward to the MySpace’s of the world.

But I do feel like a stooge, I’m not one for telling other parents things about their children. It’s a gray space.  Just over the summer my son had a very unfortunate incidenct with a younger neighbor who was playing at my home.   My son was in the wrong, and it all came out, parents confronted, it was pretty uncomfortable all around. And we’re not friends anymore.  I wave when I go by for a walk, but that relationship has been severed for good.  I do feel bad about that, and I think it was a scarring event for that neighbor’s child.

So, as we all struggle with the new boundaries of the Internet, stick with your gut. If you think it’s going to far, it probably is. And ask yourself, “Would You Want to Know?”   I know I would.