Inspiration from Life Itself

A  couple weeks back I read an article where Steve Forbes interviewed Warren Buffett and JayZ together.  It appeared to be an unlikely couple, aside from the fact that they are tremendously successful. Read the article here.  Curious about the combo pair, I discovered a few things.  First, that they had alot more in common than you would think.  More from a philosophy standpoint rather than worldly experiences, in fact, their worldly experiences were pretty different.

One of the things that struck me was something JayZ surmised from listening to Warren Buffet talk.  He said:

As I was listening to Warren, I could just hear all the similarities and all the things in what he’s saying, right? Because if you don’t look at the tickers, you’re really just searching for the truth within all the numbers and all the chaos. And that’s the key to being a recording artist. You’re telling your story or finding your truth at the moment..

Finding your truth at the moment…I pondered over that phrase for awhile that day, and off and on since I read it.  I think it’s so true in so much of what we do as people.  Everyone has their own truth and we may not always understand it from one another but we know it’s there.

But I find it’s true in the work I do as a marketer, and for any professional of that matter. Often times I”m looking to put together the right combination of words that ring truth to it, and I fuddle around over and over until I find just that right combination.  My friend who’s a computer tech wiz does this in his work, he  can fix anything, he’s amazing at what he does.   Lots of effort goes into finding that moment where it all the words (enter noun here) just click into place and it feels truthful.

The same goes for anything I’m doing, as I’m trying to live in each moment (ah hem…) the best I can.  My husband always used to tease me for being too truthful – not the hurtful kind but the honest kind.  After leaving the grocery store one day, I realized the girl gave me back my check when she handed me the receipt.  I went back in to give it to her, to this day my husband still talks about it.  Well, I figured it would catch up with me once they were counting the day’s tally, but that’s not why I returned it.

So, I’m trying to incorporate this into my life’s activities.  I’ll let you know how it goes, and if I have days where I’m spreading white lies like there’s no tomorrow.  They happen, not often, but the happen.  And that’s ok too.

Does that phrase resonate with you at all?

I’m in a quandry, and I’m not sure which way to go.  It also has to do with my 14 year old son, who is a good natured kid, but who has a will of steel that he wields around at times.  Having an open mind is often a conumdrum when talking to a teen….

Choosing a path

So my quandry is this – and it’s a religious one to boot – he has been going regularly to CCD since he was little.  He’s entering the last two years of his youth ministry where he is eligible to receive the sacrament of confirmation.  Now, let me just say that while we are not ideal Sunday worshipping Catholics, we do have Christian values and he’s been participating in CCD since he was 5.  In fact, my son was an alter server at the church for a few years until he got sick of it.

So, guess what he’s sick of now?  Yup, CCD and he’s put his foot down about participating in the confirmation program.  He gave me some shit about attending the the first orientation, but we still went.  Things hit the roof that night though, when it came down to choosing which events and trips he would participate in.  The conversation went like this:

HIM:  “I am NOT participating in ANY events, and I’m NOT doing this. No way. This is stupid.”

ME: “But you have to sign up for something, better to pick something now than not have a choice later.”

HIM: “You are not listening to me…I AM NOT DOING THIS. THIS IS STUUUU-PID.”

This went on for a few minutes. I caught a few parental “glares”….mind you my son has longer hair than me so he’s a bit of a spectacle to boot.  His irreverence was obvious.  He really dug his feet in.  So much so that I lost my temper (so much for being zen and believing in outcomes I want) and stormed out of the school gym in complete ire.

And here’s the real quandry.  During the meeting, one of the leaders spoke about what it means to confirms one’s faith and told a story about her daughter who at the time didn’t believe in God and asked her Mother if she had to be confirmed…and her mother said No, because it’s more important to be ready for the sacrament spiritually than to be forced into something you don’t want to do or believe in. Well, this is all my son needed to hear. This prompted the argument that I just described.

I feel torn by the whole thing.  Do I really care that he receive confirmation?  I never thought he wouldn’t, really.  I grew up that way and to be honest, I never entertained the fact that I could say no.  It wasn’t an option.  But why do I care? I think for me it’s more about finishing something you start.  It’s even less about the sacrament.  So If I don’t care about the sacrament, then why push him to do it at all?  What I like about this part of program is that it involves alot of service to others – helping at soup kitchens, home repairs for the elderly, etc.   I think that it is important to learn to give back.  And then I think…well you can learn that without going to confirmation program.  Honestly if I force my son to continue with the program, he won’t get all that much out of it.  He’ll have his ears turned off most of the time, I just know it based on the beliefs he is holding now.  He doesn’t know what he doesn’t know, and he knows everything so he’s all set…lol.

If I force him to go, it’s my will against his.  It’s a tiresome battle.  There is an active role for parents in this program so we’ll be with him much of the time.  So I win, but what do I really win?  Do I really want him to associate God with all this resistance?

If I let him step out of the program, then he wins.  His will have bended my will (again).  He’s been known to quit things, so we’re trying to teach him the importance of responsibility to finish what you start. At the moment he’s grounded for his behavior, but I need to get to a conclusion.

I was thinking a middle ground could be to allow him to step out of the program, but put together my own program of service.  Perhaps 1x month he can decide how he wants to serve, pick a charity and do something for someone else.  It will force him out of his comfort zone, and perhaps he’ll pick up some of the growth that would happen in a confirmation program less the resistance.

I don’t want to be the old fashioned person who forces their kid through confirmation with the expectation that when they are done, they can choose as they desire about religion and how they participate. We all know he’ll stop going to church altogther until his 30s.  I know I did.

What would you do?  Do kids have too many choices these days?  My mother wouldn’t have had this quandry. Or am I making my own?

I’ve always prided myself in being what I called “observer”.  Not the police detective-type observer where you notice how many people are in a given area, what they are wearing, who looks suspicious, but more an observer of life and how my actions and choices affect my “reality”.  I’m acutely aware of my thoughts going on in my head, and how they come to life in my world.  I’m often not overly surprised by how things manifest, especially if I can trace it back to an originating thought somewhere along the lines. I hold myself pretty accountable, and make important thought-action-life connections that I try to learn from.  Am I the only one who does this?  Do you ever find yourself listening to your own thought process?

So, while this been helpful to a point, I also started noticing that I’m not getting anywhere fast.  I seem stuck in my same sames…nothing seems to move one way or another.  It feels a little like the movie Groundhog Day… Same cast of characters, still observing and not getting anywhere.

Then one day I was listening to one of my favorite Abraham Hicks seminars and something clicked.  They were talking about how we spend all this time observing life that we end up being “trained observers” who react to what’s happening around us.  And when we spend time “observing” things that are around us, we are tuning into those vibrations of those things, and it’s usually a mix of things we don’t like and do like, right? Like the guy who just cut you off and now you’re feeling irritated…just when you were enjoying that song on the radio….stupid guy….

When I’m feeling foul about something, it becomes really easy to all of sudden begin observing things I don’t like… such as…I don’t like the fact that my house is a mess…which leads to a new thought that matches the one before…I don’t like the fact that I have all these unfinished projects around me… then… I don’t like how my office has no door, and on and on and on.  Those thoughts are pretty accessible to me and somehow all similar feeling thoughts come flooding my brain. My husband always had the knack to so quickly recall such detailed “lists” of things that piss him off, and I’ve always wondered  “Wow, how does he do that?”

According to Abraham, what’s really happening is we become prone to having our thoughts and feelings redirected by what’s around us, and we live and breathe in a react-only mode.  We’re not taking charge of our own vibrations (feelings), instead we are taking on the vibration of those things around us.  So that’s when it clicked for me…I’m letting the world dictate my thoughts and feelings in that moment.  Sure, live in the moment that is good.  But don’t let every moment dictate how your life will take form because if all you think about is what is, then you’ll never ever get to “what it could be”….which is that hopeful place we all desire.

If possible, take deliberate action every day to spend time thinking about our aspirations and dreams.  Close your eyes and feel it like it’s happening…feel your way into how cool it will be when…you get that car, job, home, take that vacation…   It is those thoughts…the ones we feel good about that are much more powerful than any negative thought we have.  Spend time being a dreamer, they say.  But don’t just think it, feel it.

So, I test everything.  I decided to test this one out and would make a deliberate attempt to think about outcomes I want to have vs. don’t want to have. For example, my profession involves public speaking and when I have a talk coming up, I decided to deliberately envision the good “high” feeling at the end of a presentation.  I talk myself up, telling myself it will be “my best one yet”…and then try to bring about that positive feeling and visualize people coming up to me saying “great job… loved the presentation….do you have a business card… Do you have second, I wanted to talk more about… ” and I replay that feeling and vision over and over leading up to the event itself.  It’s essentially a “pre-paving” of an outcome I want through focused thought.

Before I began to really understand this, I would spend time agonizing over writing the darn PPT. I would famously procrastinate until it was T-minus-zero and then be shocked that I was feeling unprepared, and then go and dream about my “unpreparedness” like showing up to school late, can’t find the room, I’m half naked, and so on.  How unproductive.

I want to tell you that my test worked, and continues to work flawlessly every time.  The key is to get the “feeling” of the outcome you WANT whether you’ve ever experienced it or not. It really doesn’t matter. It’s all about moving into the feeling of the outcome you desire – even if you’re in the middle of a messy moment that appears to be unyielding…just think about the outcome you DO want vs. the one you are experiencing.  It almost feels “genie-ish”… And things can manifest very fast..as quickly as you blink. It’s almost like tuning yourself like a radio station…up and down till you find that perfect reception spot…

Just yesterday, I was out shopping with my son and he was getting on my nerves and my patience was short. I had that pit in my stomach, and I wasn’t finding anything he was saying or doing funny in the very least bit.  Annoyance was mounting big time… We were also in traffic, it was going very slow and it seemed that the  guy in front of me must be the “nicest guy in the world” letting everyone go before him…  Can you say high blood pressure?

Then I looked over at my son, and I thought, “Whoa this is NOT how I want to be spending my time”.  At that moment, I said those very words out loud… and I stated that what I did want was to relax, enjoy this time, and see where it went.  Traffic all of sudden loosened, and we were moving again. I felt the entire pit of my stomach dissolve into nothing, and my mood immediately lightened. If that’s not power, I don’t know what is. Was it really me? Who the heck knows and I’m not sure I care to know.  It just felt better is all.

Of course, I’m not perfect and I’m not saying I don’t get down or negative.  I’m just sharing something I learned that is helping me feel better every day, and really allowing me to live the life that I desire of my choosing.

Try it, and let me know how you fare.  I’d love to hear any stories you’ve experienced so we can all learn from each other.

Signing off with lots of love and healing light…xxooxxoo

Today will always be a day to remember, even without all the news broadcasts and replays. Part of me doesn’t want to watch the historical events because it’s uncomfortable, painful to watch.  YET I can’t seem to walk away from the TV.  The images are so graphic.   Time stood still that day.  Like my good friend Lori wrote in her blog post, we have all suffered and 9/11 isn’t the only day in our history where time stood still.

Generations before us remember JFK  being shot, and the Space Shuttle Challenger disintegrating in mid air.  In fact, when that happened, I was at school and we were watching the live broadcast.  It was the oddest thing because we really didn’t now what was happening when it blew up.  We knew it wasn’t good, but the teacher just shut off the TV.  We watched the horror without knowing it was horror until later. I always had a gleam of hope that the astronauts would be ok.  Of course, they weren’t.  And as a school, we didn’t get counseling or grief support, we just went on with our day.  I think about the nutcases these days who sue others for being present to witness tragedy. Come on…

But, before I get too off track… That morning of 9/11 was a big day of firsts for me.  It was my son’s first day of kindergarten, and I was waiting with him for the bus.  I remember how cute he looked, and how nervous/excited he was just waiting with me.  We also met many of our neighbors that morning who we had not known even existed! Who knew there were several 5 year-olds on our street – we live on a busy street and we typically did not let our kids play outside for too long.

I was also getting ready for my first day of work at a new software company as a VP of Marketing…and we were holding a big User’s Conference down in Boston at the Marriott Long Wharf.  So, right after I got my son on the bus, I hit the road to Boston.  On my way into the Conference, I was listening to Howard Stern to get my morning laughs, when he mentioned the first plane hit Tower 1.  At first, it was sincere disbelief…thinking it was something else and not a terrorist attack. But he kept saying “I can see the smoke from here…” which was the beginning of many eerie sights and sounds that day.

By the time I got into Boston, both planes had hit and it was mass chaos…except for the conference where I was going to because folks had already started their sessions and had no idea this was going on.  I pulled my manager aside and told her the news, then the CEO was informed and an immediate plan for crisis communications was underway.  We ended up stopping the conference in mid-session, and made an announcement to the group and put up the live broadcast on the big projector screens to stay abreast on the details.  We turned it on just in time to see Tower 1 crumble, then shortly after Tower 2.  That was the most chilling moment for everyone…we all just looked at each other in silence. You could hear a pin drop.

As you would imagine, many attendees wanted to get the hell out of Boston and get home. But because one of the planes left from Boston (which was revealed later that morning) Boston was in complete lockdown.  Airspace was closed off.  The only options were rental cars.

As conference staff, we were given carte blanche to do whatever attendees needed, and to coordinate things as much as possible. We got in touch with a couple rental car agencies and began putting together a number of trips all over the country, where people would ride together and drop each other off, the last person dropping off the rental.  We had trips from Boston to Houston, Boston to DC, Midwest, all over the place.  It’s no wonder we figured it all out.  It was clearly a baptism by fire in crisis management.

The attendees were thrilled just to get rolling home, they didn’t care how it happened.  But not everyone left. In fact, to add to the chaos, former president George Bush (father) was our keynote speaker the very next day.  We though for SURE he would cancel. But, in a show of patriotism and concern for the people he was going to talk with, he came to our event and gave the most inspiring talk that made us all feel good to be an American.  Of course, there were secret service everywhere…and everything was planned out to a “tee”…

I would say it brought us as a group together, and helped the very beginning of the healing process for everyone who was there those few days. But I will never forgot those moments of learning of the horror, and all the Americans who were on those planes who were sacrificed.  My heart hurt for them and their families.  Not to mention the firemen who all sacrificed their lives, I always have a special place in my heart for all fireman as my Dad served for 30 years in Cambridge, MA.  He was lucky to walk away without injury.

I also pray for and wish everyone who is remembering their loved ones today to be surrounded by healing light and love, and know that their loved one’s death was not in vain.

I don’t think I will ever understand why people want to hurt so many in such defiance and in the name of religion. I wasn’t around for the JFK shooting, but my parents were and remember those days like they were yesterday. I imagine so will I when it comes to this day in history.

I want to thank all the military service personnel who are over in Iraq and Afghanistan who are still fighting this fight.  Blessings to you all for protecting our freedom, and teaching others to be free.  Your efforts and time are a true gift to our country.

I am proud to be American.

Where we you on this day 9 years ago?

Photo source: http://nymag.com/news/articles/wtc/gallery/

This week I went to my annual physical.  It was the first time back seeing my doctors in the “western” world of medicine since I’ve been getting help in the “eastern” side of holistic medicine.   I was kind of excited about this appointment going in.  I had copies of my tests that I had taken – it included one allergy test and two hormone tests, and a new prescription for hormones.   My health has been improving remarkably since I started down the holistic path.  I’ve lost weight, my blood pressure is down, pretty sure my cholesterol is down, hair is healthier, my last mammo was clear (as opposed to the last 2 years when I’ve been going back every six months to recheck things).  All in all, pretty good results!

Well, wasn’t I surprised when I met with my NP (nurse practitioner) to share my good news? Lol..what was I thinking…East meets West…what a freaking mess.  She was pissed when I started telling her what I’ve been up to.   She looked at me like I had ten heads…”you did what?”  “your taking what?” Apparently I was a BAD girl.  Tsk tsk..

Then she asked, “So, what did Doc So-and-so (gyno doc ) say about this?”

ME:  “Well, um, she doesn’t know yet.”

NP:  “What do you mean she doesn’t know?”

ME: “I have’t seen anyone since last year, I’m kind of in between docs.  I interviewed Doc So-and-so last year, but I wasn’t getting the answers I was looking for….”    BIG PAUSE….

NP:  Audible sigh…

ME:  “I brought my tests to show you some of the results, and….”

NP:  [cut me off] “Well, let’s take your blood pressure” and she took my test results folder and nicely put them under my jacket on the chair.

The rest of the appointment was ok, she scurried me along and we were done. She didn’t want to hear what I had to say, nor look at anything i brought except the prescription bottle I brought….which she promptly scoffed at when I told her it was a “compounded” prescription.

Bitch.  But not just her, the whole experience.  It’s a bitch.  And so unsatisfying. It doesn’t have to be this way, but it is.  Many women my age I talk to feel this way too…

And I wonder why I feel the way I do about doctors from the “west”?  If someone listened to me last year….and helped explore the way I wanted to, we wouldn’t be here today. But they weren’t listening then, and they are not listening now.  Nor are they happy with my path.  The letters spoken “ND” (naturopath doctor) are like fingernails on a chalkboard for some MDs.  Except for thought leaders like Dr. Christiane Northrup, who inspired me to take steps in the holistic direction because I kept coming up against walls where I was.

Honestly, I felt like a child who didn’t behave properly on the school playground. I was a “bad girl” because I went out of the western medicine circle.

And the best part is, I have another gyno appointment with the new doc who I met briefly last year in a “pre-interview” to see if I liked her. She doesn’t know what I’ve been up to either.  I’m wondering if my reception there will be the same, or perhaps worse because I didn’t really let her help me.  And there’s an ND who’s prescribing stuff that she normally would.   That’s probably enough to piss her off too.

But the bottom line is, too bad.  I don’t care what they think.  I feel better and AM healthier.  I believe that we need to be our own medical advocates.   We DON’T have to follow every direction from our doctors if we feel that it’s not right for us, imagine that? Having a say in our medical care?  I’m all done being the good girl who does what she’s told. Especially when it comes to my health.  I’m sticking with my intuition and will keep going in that direction.

Next week should be fun.  I’ll keep you posted.

UPDATE:  So perhaps some egg on my face…got a call back from my lab results…I’m anemic.  Makes sense really, but maybe I need to listen a little more too.  Oh well.  One day at a time here.

I caught myself today missing the big picture.  It’s been one of those days where I’m running from A to B, plugging up holes in the wall per say.  It’s been a picture of the week too, but I’m not really complaining. Busy is good, business is up.  There’s more stuff to do.

But, in my hustle of today, I had several packages to mail.  I had may day planned, do this, do this, do this, have lunch with an old friend, hit post office to get these packages MAILED dammit.  A couple have been sitting on my desk waiting for this moment!  I end up having a fabulous lunch, my mood was lifted feeling more positive, and as I was pulling off my exit to the highway I looked over at the pile next to me that was “next” on my list.  It was:

-  A package for a cousin in Iraq

- A book for a friend that I promised

- My taxes (with a  refund no less:-) )

- A charitable donation

Holy smokes…it hit me.  I should be enjoying this moment instead of rushing through it like everything else.  It was packages of goodness, for different people and things, but all goodness. All of a sudden, the world shifted into a new focus that felt immensly better than rush rush rush.  I’m just sayin.

I’m so glad I didn’t miss this moment.

The word “No” must be one of the most used words in the world.  It crosses nations and languages like my dog’s smelly farts cross a room.  (sorry, he just cut one and it was an accessible analogy ).  It’s a word I hear daily, and I’m always amazed at how freely we toss it around.  Sometimes NO is the right answer. And it protects us from ourselves.

I must say that  I’m not the best at using the word No.  I often say Yes (although my husband would challenge that), but I don’t like to turn people away.  As a result, I get overcommitted and frustrated which leads to pissed off and irritable.  And that’s a short step away from insanity, where I lose it and scream bloody murder.  SO what’s the big deal?  It’s not a bad word.  As my cousin would say to me ” What’s Your Problem Girrrrl?”  (She has NO problem with NO…lol…)

I’m not saying I’m a doormat either.  But I do use it sparingly, only when I know I really can’t commit.  Recently when after working with a client, we decided to turn them away.  I just couldn’t do it, it was too much vampire energy for me in that relationship.  I’d be exhausted after a phone call, running in circles and circles.  That felt freeing, it was like a literal cord was cut in the universe.  Released from the mothership. >Snip.>

My son uses it like a brick wall.  No, Nope, Never, Not.  I often think that he uses it too much because he shuts down opportunities as quckly as turning a faucet off.  Simple, quick, but sometimes painful.

My husband has no problem with the word either. There must be a happy medium, but I guess it’s all in the way we manage ourselves.  It’s different for everyone.

Maybe it’s just the fact that I don’t like to disappoint people.  Or perhaps its because I really WANT to be helpful and believe at that moment, I can do it.

But one of my favorite coaches, Cheryl Richardson, wrote a newsletter article one week about saying No as a daily practice.  I must say I did enjoy cutting the cord in my example above.  It’s easier when it’s not kids or family, but still, it has its place.

Being nice is good, but being honest is better.  So let’s hear it for the word NO.

Hurray!!  N N N N N N NO!

I read an article this morning from Andrea Conway, a law of attraction coach who shares a great perspective on LOA and how we can bring it into our lives, business, etc.  So this morning in her e-newsletter, she talks about how we can bring ourselves in better vibrational alignment with what we really want.  In her article, she suggested that like ordering a dessert, why would we order up a dessert from the menu of the universe and have it be something we don’t like?  She asks  “would you order strawberry rhubarb pie if you didn’t like it?”  Well, no..

.

I love these kind of analogies because they make sense.  Our words, thoughts and desires are essentially placing vibrational orders to the universe, but then when the waitress comes, we want to send it back our order.  I’ve been there.  Andrea offers these thoughts, to help take ourselves off the hook.  She suggests we don’t really know we are doing it, it’s an unconscious thing:

It’s not always easy to accept that we’re vibrational matches to what we clearly do not want: a shortage of money, an illness, a difficult relationship. But denying our vibrational resonance to the situation only binds us to it more strongly.

If you can accept that whatever is in your life right now is a vibrational match to you, you’ve made a huge first step in using the circumstances you don’t like as springboards to something better.

So, I’m  taking a dose of this medicine right now in light of my new situation.  I will say that up to the point of my recent food allergy assessment, I had been ordering up (thinking, desiring) a way for me to make better food choices and help align my body with what it needs.  I also wanted to change my belief that weight loss is hard, and switch it around to weight loss is easy.  You know, challenging those limiting beliefs we hold, and cutting the polarization cord so I don’t keep bringing back situations I don’t want.

Andrea does offer some suggestions around acceptance which is the key to it all:

Acceptance is a way of pausing, clearing the slate, and starting afresh:

OK, universe, I accept that right now I am a vibrational match to these stale oatmeal cookies. But I declare that what I truly prefer to eat is the key lime pie.

The simple act of accepting what has happened and choosing again sets you on a new vibrational course.

Acceptance is a small step — so small that many people would dismiss it as too insignificant to matter. Yet, it is the entire key to shedding the resistance that binds you.

I guess I would have liked to “send back my order” of food allergies.  But as I’m accepting it all, I am noticing that there is no resistance, and weight loss is easier.  It’s just coming off, and I’m not thinking about it much.  I’m also not crazy hungry like I would be if I were “dieting” and thinking I could be having other things but I’m not.  The reality is, this is a new way of life.  It just is.  And by not fighting it, I’m gravitating toward re-discovering foods I have ignored or never had.

I like that part of it.  And I do feel better.  So, if I can realign myself there, where can I go next??   Seems like the field is wide open.

Have you experienced this before?

Photo Credit: www.kingshawaiian.com

I’ve always had allergies.  It affected my childhood to some degree, and they still bother me to this day.  But I never thought I was allergic to food.  I had taken allergy tests using the skin prick method years before, but food did not come up as a problem.  So, fast forward to a couple weeks ago and where I met with a naturopathic doctor who wanted to take a different kind of blood test to look at food allergies again.

“Me?” I thought?  I don’t think so. “No, not food allergies.” I said to the doctor  “Everything else allergies but not food.  I love food.  Food loves me.  I don’t have any digestive problems.  But I do have these dark circles under my eyes.” I said.

Doc said “Those are allergy shiners, a classic sign of a food allergy, the kind that is more subtle and can happen up to 4 days later after you’ve eaten something.” Great……

I had been changing my diet over the past few months (coffee) and thought I was doing good with oatmeal in the morning, a healthy wheat bread sandwich at lunch, dinner is another story – sometimes healthy and sometimes not.   But the point is, I took the darned test and it came back with allergic reactions on a majority of food and some food groups.  I was allergic to all dairy, eggs, wheat, wheat gluten, barley, oats, pork, turkey, and on and on.  Veggies like garlic and tomato – what? Did you say tomato?  Holy smokes, I’m growing 12 tomato plants in my garden alone.
I could go on and on, it’s easier to think about what I can have vs. what I can’t have.  I’m changing my diet, one step at a time and eliminating foods as much as possible.  There is a huge learning curve to this, and I am figuring out food labels.  The more I know, the more I’m shocked.  But so far so good. I’ve had a couple of set backs, but I just keep on trying.  The best cookbook I could find that fit my condition was one a diet for  AD/HD and Autistic Children, and Celiac Disease (which I don’t have). So I am learning food all over again, but going more organic, whole.  No breads, sugars, processed foods.  I’ll keep you posted on my progress.  I have already seen some weight loss, I’m all for that!

So I’m living the free life now — wheat free gluten free dairy free wooo hooo….

UPDATE AUG 14:

In going with my new food plan, I decided that I would first focus on elimating the processed foods dairy and wheat, but keep some of the real fruits and veggies in my eating plan, even though a few were on the bad list.  So last night I ate a delicious tomato and basil salad, despite tomatoes being on my list.  But I figured I’d know how it would react since everything else I ate was on my “good” list.  So, in the middle of eating the damn salad, I start sneezing. Then 20 minutes later I’m using my inhaler.  I guess I am allergic to tomatoes – for now anyway.  I keep hoping that I can get back to food I love like this. But it is sobering. I’m not sure I would have really put that together without doing this plan.  And the killer is I have 12 tomato plants growing.   How can an Italian survive without tomatoes??  :sigh:  Or deal with the reaction. One or the other.

I think the hardest part is that I don’t like to identify myself as “allergic” to anything.  It’s not how my mind operates.  I wonder if that thinking keeps me in that vibrational pattern or not.  Time will tell.

I was driving down a side street the other night,  making my way on a trip to BJ’s to pick up ribs in preparation for my son’s birthday dinner.  I was feeling a little low, as it was 7:30 on the night before his birthday when I’m running around getting things at the last minute. Seems to be a regular thing for me.  Days run out of daylight, and I’m still not done.  So, I’m sitting in the car (with my son sitting in the passenger side) asking myself in my head “What’s really going on here, why do I feel so…unenthused with everything?” and at that moment, Rush came on the radio singing Closer to the Heart.  At first I was excited, I turned up the radio, told my son “I LOVE this song”, until I started singing it….

And the men who hold high places
Must be the ones who start
To mold a new reality
Closer to the heart
Closer to the heart
The blacksmith and the artist
Reflect it in their art
They forge their creativity
Closer to the heart
Closer to the heart

Ouch, that hurt. Tears bubbled up to my eyes, as I’m driving with one hand, wiping my face with the other catching the teardrops, hoping to be invisible…Closer to the heart I thought.  That was it.  That is what is missing.  My list of things and deadlines looming is not closer to the heart.  The things that are filling all of my days and nights are not things closer to the heart.  Writing here is closer to the heart.  Meditating is closer to the heart.  Watching tv with the family is closer to the heart.

I will start prioritizing my time around things closer to the heart first, then allow for the other things to fill in.  We’ll see if that shifts my energy.