When the world tilts

Did you ever have one of those days or weeks when it feels like your world is tilted ever so slightly?  Things slip by, emails get lost, computers crash, stuff happens.  So last week was one of those weeks.  Two things that were very important in my life vanished, literally.  I couldn’t believe it, or rather didn’t want to believe it.

Sure, my Thanksgiving was wonderful and I am grateful to have spent time with family and celebrated my sister-in-law Kelly’s birthday (yeah!).  But other than that, my world felt like it was tilting.   Let me explain.

It all started last Saturday (not the one that just passed) when I got an email that a very very dear friend, Christine MacFarlane, was in coma at a Boston hospital, and things did not look good.  Christine is like a soul sister to me.  I met her when I started my personal evolution to explore my spirituality and she guided me through so much.  She introduced me to my most favorite authors like Esther & Jerry Hicks and the Abraham series, Florence Scovel Shinn, Catherine Ponder, Eric Butterworth, and on and on.  She was instrumental to how my journey has evolved, and we spoke often sharing, laughing, crying over whatever was going on.  And we helped each other through some tough times.   And then in a split second or two, she was gone.  For good.  No long goodbyes.   She wouldn’t want me beleaguring this down side, and I won’t for too long.  But she was a rock in my spiritual foundation, then a piece of that rock crumbled.

Second rock moved when later that day, after I found out she was in a coma, and my tai chi/kung-fu Sensei delivered his news — that he was not going to be teaching anymore… Say what???  Can you repeat that please?  Yup, he’s not teaching anymore and that’s it.  He’s done. For good.   WHHAAATTT??

I did not over react at the moment, I felt sad for him. I knew it was a decision that was difficult for him.  And I’ve been working with him for the last 3 years, every week learning something new.  A new meditation, a new self defense move, a series of forms that almost feel like ballet at times, but are deadly at the same moment.  I loved my tai chi, it was my time.  It was part of my spiritual journey.  But yet, another rock shifted in the foundation.

The reality is that these shifts happen all the time, to all of us.  And I’m reminded that usually when a shift like this happens, it is always for the best even though I can’t see it at the moment.  In both cases, I am a better person for  knowing both my friend Christine and my teacher Mike, and all the gifts they have both given me over the years.   I can continue to practice tai chi on my own, and perfect what I liked the most.   And I can also release that which I don’t really care about.

And while losing anyone we love is never easy, I must look to new ways to embrace things.   I do know that Christine’s spirit is still with me, I can feel her around at times.  I might have a thought that would be something she would say.   And the day before Thanksgiving didn’t I receive an e-card that she had queued up to her circle of friends sending all of us “Extravagent Blessings” just days after she passed.   She was a constant source of light, love, and friendship like no other.  I know her family and friends all feel the same. As for my training of tai chi, I can continue to embrace all there is to learn and continue my journey there.  There is no end unless I make one.  It will just be different.  I’m sure my Sensei and I will reconnect at some point.

I think it’s important to remember that when our worlds shift like this, that while our first reaction may be to batten down the hatches and go inside, that we should not be afraid to reach outside ourselves. Remember that others do care about us, and are there to help us through no matter how small the gesture.  I had many friends share such wonderful, supportive comments on Facebook and in email, and that was special itself.

I always say it’s always darkest before dawn.  It’s a fundamental truth.  And in the times when the world feels like it’s tilting, we just need to hang on, let it do its thing.  It will settle out. It always does.  I’m trying to relax into the change that’s here.  Intuitively I know it’s for my own good.

Here’s something my friend Christine shared with me that I think is worth repeating. It’s helped me keep the faith in times like this.  It’s a quote from Edwene Gaines, a spiritual leader in the Laws of Prosperity:

When you come to the edge of all that you know and

you are getting ready to step off into the unknown,

Faith is knowing that one of two things WILL happen:

(1) When you make that step there will be something there for you to stand on


(2) You’ll learn how to fly.

Time to put on my wings….


  1. says

    Your sharing reminds me of this from Jung: “As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light of meaning in the darkness of mere being.” It is clear that both of these teachers did just that for you. By your telling here, you begin to take on their roles, in the offering of this light. Sharing your sorrow…believing in your flight.

  2. Juliann says

    I love the Jung reference it makes alot of sense. Thanks for sharing that. I do believe it is my turn to take flight, and put something out there and shine a new light. They both did teach me so much, and I do have new gifts to share because of them. Thanks for your insight, I always enjoy reading your comments.

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